Quote of the Day.

Via

90 Day Evaluation Plan.

My friend T, started posting this today on twitter, and my co-worker and I discussed it. I planned to go back and get them all, but, just like a smart girl would, T compiled the list and sent it as a note on facebook.


The 90-Day evaluation Plan..... provocative because I am assuming most of us (girls and boys) use some sort of assessment measure to decide how and where a new relationship is going. So, I'm posting The Plan according to T.... and, as always, thoughts?

Behold, I have developed a 90 day evaluation plan for new relationships designed to stop singles from wasting their damn time. Here's how it works... First, you need to decide when to start the 90 days. I start it from the first day that interest beyond a platonic friendship is expressed. Others can decide to start when they gain at a title. I just don't have time for all that extra.

There are 15 areas up for evaluation. You can remove those that don't apply to you and add those that do if you wish. You want to score someone from 1-10 on each area. I personally like to add everything up and get the average of all 15. If someone is under 85% then they get the boot. Others might want to just look at where their mate falls under each category and talk about ways to improve the relationship. But I'm a bitch so I'm not with the second chances.

The most important thing for me is that the person doesn't know that they are being evaluated. You can't be like "oh, this date isn't quality and scribble it down". Just let things flow and press pause at 90 days and figure out if its worth continuing. Also, don't be evaluating your mate but not pulling your weight in the new relationship. You can't ask for what you don't give. That's all my friends. Here are the area with a brief description:

1. Quality of conversation: Can you explore different issues that are important to both parties? Does the conversation stay the same? Can this person communicate?

2. Quality of dates: Are you going on a variety of dates to locations that you enjoy? Are you learning about your partner through said dates? Do both parties take an equal role in planning for dates?

3. Sense of Humor: This isn't just about if the person is funny but do they know when and how to be funny? Personally, if I don't pee my pants in the first 90 days, you gots to go.

4. Intelligence: no dummies... I mean CLEARLY! Can they articulate a proper thought? Are they well rounded in their intellect? Do you DIE when you read all the typos in their text messages?

5. Spirituality: How do your belief systems line up? How comfortable are you that they aren't going DIRECTLY to hell?

6. Outward Appearance: How physically attracted are you to this person? Is their style compatible to yours? Are you afraid to bring them to Sunday dinner? Ya'll know my family will CLOWN me for bring the hunchback of Notre Dame home...

7. Friendship Groups: How well do you get along with his/her friends? Birds of a feather... Is his/her flock lame? Then so is (s)he...

8. Family Connections: Does (s)he have a good relationship with his/her family? Extreme Mama's Boys or Daddy's Girls? Have you met the family?

9. Sexual Chemistry: Let's just be real serious, real quick- if it aint right, it aint right. Be real with yourself. Its supposed to get better NOT worse...

10. Spontaneity: Are things predictable in a boring way or can you switch it up?

11. Physical Affection: are you getting what you need physically OUTSIDE of the bedroom? Do your needs match with their capabilities?

12. Tokens of Affection: PRESENTS!!! Small gifts, cards, flowers... all are appreciated. I'm going to need for you to be giving and getting them. How thoughtful are they?

13. Ease of Relationship: How hard are you trying? In the first 90 days, you shouldn't have to kill yourself to make it work.

14. Conflict Resolution Skills: Can they effectively resolve issues without resorting to counterproductive tactics?

15. Your Instincts/Trust: what is your gut telling you? Was (s)he at a friend's house or running the streets when the phone was mysteriously off? I'm just saying...

Venus vs. Mars-- Sports.

Morgs I often discuss the importance of football to a southern girl. Even if you personally don't give a shit about the game, you most likely have a boy (daddy, brother, boy) who does. An you need to have, at the least, a rudimentary understanding and appreciation for the game. I bring this up because, last night, the New York Football Jets lost to the Colts. It was a big deal for the city because the Jets haven't been this close in so long. They had an awesome season, and, oh yea....the Bankers blood is actually Gang Green.

On Saturday I sent him a morning text: " Morning Mister! J!E!T!S! today!!

to which he replied: "No, Babe. it's tomorrow... but I like that energy! you're excited!"


Like most fanatics, he's taking this loss like a death in the family and is in some sort of post-lost--football depression. I thought I'd know how to handle it, being raised in a house with a die-hard Tarheel and Steelers Daddy, and going to a legit state school.... but this time, I have no clue.

My approach so far has been silent support. I waited about an hour after the loss to hit him with the condolences text.... but what approach? Do I talk shit about the refs and the bs flags and penalties? Do I express heartbreak? No and No. 1) the Colts are fucking good. I had a feeling they were gonna win. and 2) My heart isn't broken. the Jets had a great season, their quarterback (Mark Sanchez, to the left) could get the business any day.... I mean, the world will go on. So I went with the "look on the bright side" angle.

Hours pass and I toss out the "How you doin?" text. Nothing. At this point I'm trying to calculate the impact of this loss on the rest of the week.... the next few weeks. I mean, I'm not exactly sure how much I'm able/willing to put up with. After thinking about it, I understand where he's coming from. This is a kid who rooted for NCSU all season because it's my Alma Mater (theres a pictures he sent me while I was home on Thanksgiving break and NCSU beat UNC). This super fan also got me Green knee socks (I love knee socks) for game day... I mean, he really cares about the team and while it's sort of funny... it's cute too.



I wake up to this text back "Goodnight Sesh.... thanks for all the love."

So maybe the healing has begun....?

Good thing it's over, and Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday are all days that are free game and football free.... for a few months....

...You Know That I'm No Good...

Maybe the blame should be on our reality-TV show culture, but, sometimes I've got personal background music running.

SM first made me aware of this 'Theme Song' Phenomena when she told me how on her trips to work and on the job she be walking and Rick Ross 'Everyday I'm husslin' was playing. (Excellent choice, might I add.)

My everyday song is Plies, 'I god plenty money' ironically I do not, in fact, have plenty money. I have GOV'T LOAN money... So my theme is a little hyperbolic, but I digress.

Interesting lil caveat: since Wednesday, my theme music has switched to Amy Winehouse, oldie-but-goodie, 'You Know I'm No Good'

Did you know that if someone asks you something, and you choose to neither confirm, nor deny it, it usually becomes true to the person who inquired? In case you didn't know that...it does.

Since I've been back, my dear banker has inquired, rather roundly, about a certain Med Student. In my mind, if no real question is asked, no real answer is warranted.

real questions:

"did you see Med School over the break?" or

"Do you want to date Med School?"

round questions:

"I know when you graduate you're heading back to NC to marry Med School" or

"I guess a doctor is better than a banker... But there's no way he's got more swagger than me."

Now, in the bankers defense, out of context those round questions are a little awkward. In real time, those "questions" delivered as jokes or 'playing around' need no answer.

The funny thing is, for all intents and purposes, Med School, (the person, not the institution) doesn't really mean anything to me. However, the banker has never asked a direct question about it. Instead he just tosses out statements, for self-preservation, obviously, to which my only answer is

"where did you get that from?"

Am I intentionally gaming him? Absolutely not. I turned in my jersey when I left Raleigh. More or Less. I do enjoy an All-Star weekend game, or a round of pick-up from time to time.... That's beside the point. Thing is, the Banker is good. And he's really good almost all the time. Me? I'm good, but the kind with the asterisk beside it, and then the list of all the exceptions are at the bottom. Hahaha.

At the end of the day, round questions or direct questions will all get clear answers. However, today is not when that day ends...

Like most things, this could end terribly. I have a feeling it will all be just fine.

Venus vs Mars: on Communication.

I mentioned that in my brief time away, I would randomly think of things I wanted to write on my blog, I'd start the post, then just save it as a draft. Well, all of those stories/snippets/I'm sorry for partying/life lessons, have turned in to a lil somethin' somethin' I'm going to call "Venus vs Mars." Why? a) When Jay-z's Blueprint 3 came out, banker and I heard that song, resolved it was written about is and geeked out about it for about 2 weeks. b) over the weeks, I have had numerous "oh, word??" moments with the Banker. You know what I'm talking about.... like, something happens that is good for the gander (read: NOT good for the goose) and ALL I can think is "Oh, wooorrrddd????" Like, this is so not gonna work. For like... me. At all.

As these little situations have come and gone, I have had time to reflect on them, on me, on girls in general. You know, all that "self-awareness" that I am learning at school (see how applicable it all is??) Figured I would share them because really as far as you know, all I do in New York is stand around taking pictures of myself in clothes/whine about being busy/listen to songs with awkward love undertones. Not (completely) true. I just hit my 100th post the other day, and figure anyone who still reads should be privy to a little more inside information. Lets see how many of you are left when I get to the 200th post.... so, here goes:

In the inaugural post of this nature, I'll hit you with the most recent.

Venus vs Mars--- Communication.


Allow me to set up the scene:

[End of September]

Me: Banker, my schedule in November is totally erratic. I'm going home the first weekend for a wedding, my mom's gonna come up for like a week, You know, I'll leave for Thanksgiving....
Banker: How do you fill up your whole November when it's September?
Me: I don't know... but we're like, never gonna see each other.
Banker: It will be fine, I usually go on Vacation in November, this year I'm thinking Barbados, maybe Cabo.
Me: What.
Banker: I'm not going to forget about you because I'm going on vacation.

Whats wrong here?? In theory, nothing at all. In fact, I'll give the boy snaps for picking up on the mini freak out I had when he mentioned "Cabo" (in my defense, I think it was a reflex! Seriously, though...who the eff is like, "hey, boy-I-wanna-date, please, run as fast as you can to Sodom and Gamorrah-- no worries here." Please.) In the conversation above, indeed: Whats Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander.

Lets come back to this little scenario: [last week]
sidebar: This is about day 12 of mess. Schedules are all over the place, he's doing ~60hrs a week, I'm waking at 5:00am and going to bed at 1:00am. It's an all around sucky crap-tastic time.

Me: Banker, I'm gonna be up for another couple of hours, you wanna call me here now in a few so I can take a break. (a text, obviously)
Banker: Can we talk tomorrow?? I'm half way to being asleep..... I'm sorry, Goodnight babe.

[here is the 10 minute window of angry silence that translates as "no text back"]

Banker: ?? hello?
Me: well, you know I'm going home on Thursday, and when I get back my mom is here for the week. I have no clue when we're gonna hang out, what, in December? [this is the blog-better version of my text back. the REAL one was full brat mode. but, for self-preservation, I've edited it. At least I admitted it though....]
Banker: I'm going to Barbados next week.

And: I promptly call SM, which is crazy because I don't like talking on the phone. Mid-SOS phone call the Banker Beeps in.

We talked, we mended. All is well. But let me break it down:

*Boys and Girls are different. Very different. Not the same at all. And sometimes, no matter how wonderful everything else is, the fundamentals can get a little messy. Take communication: Banker figured I remembered he took vacation in November. Yea, I remember him saying it, but I had no clue in real life. Me, I wanna know things like "Hey, I'm thinking of going on holiday, ________ week" or "I just got tickets for vacation!" Little update are nice. Being in the loop is GOOD FOR THE GOOSE. If the Goose is happy, the Gander is happy! Isn't this a basic concept?


The only way this is even remotely tolerable, aside from my ride-or-die girls, is the Banker himself. I am fortunate to have a nice boy like the banker. The little (and not so little) hiccups are made that much easier because he isn't a jackass. In fact, most of the time when these Venus vs. Mars differences occur, I am ready to peace out. I'm a quitter sometimes, I'll confess. My friends (who are all "team Banker" as they so readily remind me) are quick to give me some perspective: Good guys are few and far between. Banker is no angel-- but he always tries. I means, lets be honest, I'm not Sandra Dee. I'm more of a Rizzo. And that can be a lot of fun, until it's not fun anymore more, I'm sure. Basically, the only way to fight is to fight fair, and, a lot of the time, all a girl needs to here is "I'm sorry." It seriously wins 1/2 the battle. So, take that little pearl (little brother of mine, I know you're reading...)

I share this story specifically because I know how to do a lot of things, and the things I can't do, I can fake it til I make it. Except for dating. I don't do it. It's like, pointless and annoying and I can't stay still long enough to bother with it all. So I've just played the game my own way for the past 4 years or so. I'm Boss Bitch at being single, complete 5th grader at dating. I remember before I moved, good ole Grace told me that as soon as I met a guy that was worth it I'd give in a little. And, as my friend Kells would say "You're little ice box is more of a slushie now." I think about one of the final scenes in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and how his heart great 3x bigger after hearing the people of Who-ville sing. Not comparing myself to the Grinch, obviously I'm not out dicking people over, left and right.... I guess I wanna find the happy medium between Boss Bitch and Stupid Girls, and I suppose now is a good time to figure it out.