Break-Up Playlist.

So I am more or less going through a "break-up." Even though I have a sneaky suspicion that my "Banker" is going to be like Carrie's "Big"... as of right now, he's a little bit of a "Berger" (So many "b's" so many SATC references!) . I've been goin in on my i-tunes the past couple days and here is the playlist:

Alicia Keys-- Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart (duh)
Lil Wayne-- Something You Forgot
Lauryn Hill-- Ex-Factor
Trina--Single Again
Lady Gaga-- Bad Romance
Imogen Heap-- Hide and Seek
BoysIIMen-- Water Runs Dry
Rihanna-- Russian Roulette
Lil Kim--Big Mama Thang
The Cranberries--Everything I Said
Lady Gaga-- Paper Gangster
Good Charlotte-- Michelle Branch-- Good bye to you
I Don't Want to be in Love
Third Eye Blind-- Motorcycle Drive By
Ciara-- Never Ever
Black Eyed Peas-- Meet Me Halfway
Drake-- Brand New
All American-Rejects-- This Ends Tonight
Cassie-- Official Girl
Death Cab for Cutie-- The Ice is Getting Thinner
Snow Patrol-- You Could be Happy
Evanescence-- Call Me When You're Sober
Kanye West-- See You in My Nightmares
Chrisette Michelle-- Epiphany
Colin Hay-- I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
Nelly Furtado-- Say it Right
Trina--So Fresh
Damien Rice-- Volcano
Lady Gaga--- Brown Eyes
Beyonce-- Like a Boy

This play list is a good mix of emo and boss bitch. What do you y'all listen to in times like these? I def want to add to the list!

A week in review.

9- number of tequila shots between the banker and I at our weekly dinner.
5- text/calls from the ghosts-of-boyfriends-past
6- hours spent at uptown salon to get my hair cut on a saturday.
9- weeks since I got my eyebrows done.
7- days that doug(who-i-secretly-wanna-make-out-with) is out of town on vacation.
1- hour fight on sat. with the banker, witnessed by Morgs. (Read: awkward)
1-bottle of champagne to the face at K.beau's 24th b-day, on sat.
1- o'clock pm reconciliation lunch tomorrow with said banker.
6- phone calls I've ignored from my accidental date of 2 weekends ago.
3- epic tales I plan to post before the week ends.

Glitter in the Air.

This is Pink performing 'Glitter in the Air' at the Grammys. Never mind the obvious talent she has to be able to sing while doing the acrobatics.... this song is amazing. I'm so obsessed with it right now. I cannot stop playing it. like this is worse than my Alicia Keys OD earlier in the year.

Yall. I have some insane shit to share, and I am honoring requests (Akili, I got your tweets) .... I'll get to typing, promise.

Week In Review

11-- Ego Waffles w/ honey eaten this week.

7-- hours the banker and I spent at our favorite restaurant.

15-- minutes I was late to class on Thursday

2-- days that I wore my new glasses (I went with frames #1, btw)

89-- cost of monthly unlimited metro card.

27,332--- Chase bank rewards points I had accrued--- renewed the for $60 worth of Sephora gift cards. Treat!

4--- hours spent at a harm reduction training. Now I'm able to administer anti OD meds to anyone overdosing on opiates... And am a participant in the needle exchange program (swapping used needles for clean ones, disposing them properly, supplying 'safe use' kits... For IV drug users.)

Venus vs. Mars-- Sports.

Morgs I often discuss the importance of football to a southern girl. Even if you personally don't give a shit about the game, you most likely have a boy (daddy, brother, boy) who does. An you need to have, at the least, a rudimentary understanding and appreciation for the game. I bring this up because, last night, the New York Football Jets lost to the Colts. It was a big deal for the city because the Jets haven't been this close in so long. They had an awesome season, and, oh yea....the Bankers blood is actually Gang Green.

On Saturday I sent him a morning text: " Morning Mister! J!E!T!S! today!!

to which he replied: "No, Babe. it's tomorrow... but I like that energy! you're excited!"


Like most fanatics, he's taking this loss like a death in the family and is in some sort of post-lost--football depression. I thought I'd know how to handle it, being raised in a house with a die-hard Tarheel and Steelers Daddy, and going to a legit state school.... but this time, I have no clue.

My approach so far has been silent support. I waited about an hour after the loss to hit him with the condolences text.... but what approach? Do I talk shit about the refs and the bs flags and penalties? Do I express heartbreak? No and No. 1) the Colts are fucking good. I had a feeling they were gonna win. and 2) My heart isn't broken. the Jets had a great season, their quarterback (Mark Sanchez, to the left) could get the business any day.... I mean, the world will go on. So I went with the "look on the bright side" angle.

Hours pass and I toss out the "How you doin?" text. Nothing. At this point I'm trying to calculate the impact of this loss on the rest of the week.... the next few weeks. I mean, I'm not exactly sure how much I'm able/willing to put up with. After thinking about it, I understand where he's coming from. This is a kid who rooted for NCSU all season because it's my Alma Mater (theres a pictures he sent me while I was home on Thanksgiving break and NCSU beat UNC). This super fan also got me Green knee socks (I love knee socks) for game day... I mean, he really cares about the team and while it's sort of funny... it's cute too.



I wake up to this text back "Goodnight Sesh.... thanks for all the love."

So maybe the healing has begun....?

Good thing it's over, and Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday are all days that are free game and football free.... for a few months....

...You Know That I'm No Good...

Maybe the blame should be on our reality-TV show culture, but, sometimes I've got personal background music running.

SM first made me aware of this 'Theme Song' Phenomena when she told me how on her trips to work and on the job she be walking and Rick Ross 'Everyday I'm husslin' was playing. (Excellent choice, might I add.)

My everyday song is Plies, 'I god plenty money' ironically I do not, in fact, have plenty money. I have GOV'T LOAN money... So my theme is a little hyperbolic, but I digress.

Interesting lil caveat: since Wednesday, my theme music has switched to Amy Winehouse, oldie-but-goodie, 'You Know I'm No Good'

Did you know that if someone asks you something, and you choose to neither confirm, nor deny it, it usually becomes true to the person who inquired? In case you didn't know that...it does.

Since I've been back, my dear banker has inquired, rather roundly, about a certain Med Student. In my mind, if no real question is asked, no real answer is warranted.

real questions:

"did you see Med School over the break?" or

"Do you want to date Med School?"

round questions:

"I know when you graduate you're heading back to NC to marry Med School" or

"I guess a doctor is better than a banker... But there's no way he's got more swagger than me."

Now, in the bankers defense, out of context those round questions are a little awkward. In real time, those "questions" delivered as jokes or 'playing around' need no answer.

The funny thing is, for all intents and purposes, Med School, (the person, not the institution) doesn't really mean anything to me. However, the banker has never asked a direct question about it. Instead he just tosses out statements, for self-preservation, obviously, to which my only answer is

"where did you get that from?"

Am I intentionally gaming him? Absolutely not. I turned in my jersey when I left Raleigh. More or Less. I do enjoy an All-Star weekend game, or a round of pick-up from time to time.... That's beside the point. Thing is, the Banker is good. And he's really good almost all the time. Me? I'm good, but the kind with the asterisk beside it, and then the list of all the exceptions are at the bottom. Hahaha.

At the end of the day, round questions or direct questions will all get clear answers. However, today is not when that day ends...

Like most things, this could end terribly. I have a feeling it will all be just fine.

It's Time to Talk About the Banker.

I'm going to try to divulge a little more here now in 2010. I get e-mails from yall asking questions about things I've posted and I wonder to myself, "why didn't I just explain that shit in the post"

Because of the aforementioned trend, I figured it's time to address the whole deal with the Banker. I can't really give a play by play because I'd be exhausted and you'd be annoyed... but the condensed version:

The banker is a great guy, with a couple carry-on sized bags of luggage. Me? I'm a dope chick.... I'm carrying a couple trunks. Oh well, that's life blah blah. Add in a sprinkle of bad timing, a dash of self-sabatoge, a pinch of too-many-outside-opinions, all mixed up in a Cool Hand Luke- sized "failure to communicate" and you pretty much can paint the picture.

All of that happened in 2009, and you know, eff that year, it's 2010 bitches! So I figure instead of going backwards, why not start with a little disclosure on the current state of affairs:

A lesson from boss bitch 101-- keep it movin.
If it's done it's done, when you're resolved, you're resolved. My old self (pre- New York) was cold-blooded in how I played the game.... I mean like, No phone-number-storing, ignore-you-all-night, never-respond-to-your-text, kick-you-out-cuz-this-bitch-don't-cuddle, forget-your-face-I-swear-I- will, type of stuff. So when I cut things off with the Banker right before finals because in Old Self's mind I was gonna go home for break, get over him in 10 days, then come back here, newly iceboxed and ready to continue in my don't love them, please leave them way of life. Well, let me just say. I have dug down real deep. I mean... real deep. And I can barely find even a hint of the Bad Bitch that used to live inside. Where is she? I don't know. But instead of taking a minute to evaluate the situation, I just figured If I can feign Boss mindset, the soon it will come back.

I could maintain the boss attitude for a little while. Like, I'd be spouting off to my girls, detailing how I'm "icing this muhfugga out all week" or how I'm "on to the next one" or how "I deleted ALLLLLL his shit." you know.... standard boss talk.....But what would I ALSO do?? creep on the down low. text, calls, emails, still all "boo's & babe"..... Pretty much fail.

I can't exactly quit. I just cannot walk away with my middle finger in the air. And I (was) completely baffled.

I mean, when it comes down to it, what I really think is that something is very different with my banker-friend and I. The big thing is that I true life care about the kid. And to be honest, that's a lot harder than not giving a fuck. Unfortunately "Sorry, I actually like you" isn't really an appropriate or coherent way to break things off with someone. Idk if y'all knew that or not....

This leads me to my 2nd 2010 resolution: Try a little.

Seems a bit vague, but I know what it means. for one-- it would be cool to take a risk or two, you know, with the feelings. Try and at least find a door for which someone could enter, if I can't completely lower the guard.... right? Really, the bankers best friend called me a couple nights ago and pretty much staged a one man intervention. Very intense, but it was sort of a good thing.

I was talking to a fellow Boss, Bateman. We often commiserate in the rediculousness of how a year ago thoughts/feelings/behaviors would have never even crossed our minds. This past week we swapped advice on everything from date outfits, to how to be less aloof. The best, by far was when we both admitted to trying on our respective man-friend's last names (hyphenated, of course). I mean, whatever, no biggie in real life.... but a biggie for a Boss.

Boss Bitch mentality? As K.Beau would say "great idea in theory, bad idea in practice." I don't want to be an Icebox anymore. but I don't want to be a stupid girl either. What I do know is that maybe I'll have to evolve, and evolution takes a lot of time. And a lot of the fittest just figuring out how to survive....

baby steps, y'all.

Unfortunate Events.

Just when I started to think that I'm too boring to keep my blog going much longer, my usual life Tom Foolery picks back up. Check this.

So tonight (Thursday) the banker made an impromptu stop at my apartment. The sock drawer on my bed was broken. Now I'm a regular Betty-the-Builder, but I couldn't fix this by myself, the way it was broken. Good ole Banker. He fixes it with no problem, sawdust kind of flying every where, but whatever. About 20 minutes later I look over at him and he has this lil raised stop on his cheek. It sort of looks like a zit. Honestly? Why first thought was "where the eff did this zit grow from?" Like, Banker's got freakishly clear skin (part of the reason he's a certified dime!) So this zit was a little outlandish. Whatever though, zits it happens to everyone....

10 minutes later Banker has a coughing fit. I'm like... Seriously don't die on me. He's complaining that his throat feels strange, tight and itchy. he's been battling some sort of cold so you know, we dismissed it.

Not more than 5 min. Later look at his face and inform him that his face is breaking out in hives.

Hives.

So first comes the hydrocortisone cream. Then I search for Benedryl but don't have anymore (all I have it zyrtec, which I think might work, but I wasn't sure) so I send him to Rite-Aid and home, his face covered in 8 big ole hives and his back itching up a storm.

So I'm sitting around, call up Cynth. And a few min. Into the conversation, I look at the spot I've been scratching nonchalantly... Son of a B, I'm breaking out in hives. So what do I do? Sit there like a dumb ass, playing on farmville, and dicking around.

I laugh to myself thinking about how my girl Morgs told me to stop posting things about my Farmville on Facebook b/c she's shamed for me....then I realize my throat is mad tight. Welp. I'm dying.

Ok, not dying. But hello, I don't have Benedryl. FML, seriously, why would I set myself up to die b/c of the sawdust on the damn drawers?

Of course Cynth is ride-or-die and she googles Zyrtec while I take a cold shower. She let's me know that the Zyrtec will hold it down just like my old friend Bene. In hindsight, all my off label abuse of Benedryl as a sleeping agent is exactly why I didn't have any tonight when I needed that shit....

Anyways. I fill Sam in. We laugh at how pathetic we are. (Last time I saw him I threw my back out like somebody's old-ass granddaddy, and he was over here with a stuffy nose/fever/cough/sore throat treating it with only Theraflu like a little ass kid.) To make matters worse, I'm in bed itching/dying. He's at home and as per his last text message: " Damn I swallowed a halls that wasn't fully done. So it's dissolving slowly... Ugh!! Shldv chewed it first...." He isn't really doing much better. Tomorrow I have my Agency holiday party up in the Bronx... And after I'm going with Sam to his office holiday party. All I know is my hives better go away.

This is the kind of mess I'm talking about. Oh well, it will be funny sometime next week I guess....

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Venus vs Mars: on Communication.

I mentioned that in my brief time away, I would randomly think of things I wanted to write on my blog, I'd start the post, then just save it as a draft. Well, all of those stories/snippets/I'm sorry for partying/life lessons, have turned in to a lil somethin' somethin' I'm going to call "Venus vs Mars." Why? a) When Jay-z's Blueprint 3 came out, banker and I heard that song, resolved it was written about is and geeked out about it for about 2 weeks. b) over the weeks, I have had numerous "oh, word??" moments with the Banker. You know what I'm talking about.... like, something happens that is good for the gander (read: NOT good for the goose) and ALL I can think is "Oh, wooorrrddd????" Like, this is so not gonna work. For like... me. At all.

As these little situations have come and gone, I have had time to reflect on them, on me, on girls in general. You know, all that "self-awareness" that I am learning at school (see how applicable it all is??) Figured I would share them because really as far as you know, all I do in New York is stand around taking pictures of myself in clothes/whine about being busy/listen to songs with awkward love undertones. Not (completely) true. I just hit my 100th post the other day, and figure anyone who still reads should be privy to a little more inside information. Lets see how many of you are left when I get to the 200th post.... so, here goes:

In the inaugural post of this nature, I'll hit you with the most recent.

Venus vs Mars--- Communication.


Allow me to set up the scene:

[End of September]

Me: Banker, my schedule in November is totally erratic. I'm going home the first weekend for a wedding, my mom's gonna come up for like a week, You know, I'll leave for Thanksgiving....
Banker: How do you fill up your whole November when it's September?
Me: I don't know... but we're like, never gonna see each other.
Banker: It will be fine, I usually go on Vacation in November, this year I'm thinking Barbados, maybe Cabo.
Me: What.
Banker: I'm not going to forget about you because I'm going on vacation.

Whats wrong here?? In theory, nothing at all. In fact, I'll give the boy snaps for picking up on the mini freak out I had when he mentioned "Cabo" (in my defense, I think it was a reflex! Seriously, though...who the eff is like, "hey, boy-I-wanna-date, please, run as fast as you can to Sodom and Gamorrah-- no worries here." Please.) In the conversation above, indeed: Whats Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander.

Lets come back to this little scenario: [last week]
sidebar: This is about day 12 of mess. Schedules are all over the place, he's doing ~60hrs a week, I'm waking at 5:00am and going to bed at 1:00am. It's an all around sucky crap-tastic time.

Me: Banker, I'm gonna be up for another couple of hours, you wanna call me here now in a few so I can take a break. (a text, obviously)
Banker: Can we talk tomorrow?? I'm half way to being asleep..... I'm sorry, Goodnight babe.

[here is the 10 minute window of angry silence that translates as "no text back"]

Banker: ?? hello?
Me: well, you know I'm going home on Thursday, and when I get back my mom is here for the week. I have no clue when we're gonna hang out, what, in December? [this is the blog-better version of my text back. the REAL one was full brat mode. but, for self-preservation, I've edited it. At least I admitted it though....]
Banker: I'm going to Barbados next week.

And: I promptly call SM, which is crazy because I don't like talking on the phone. Mid-SOS phone call the Banker Beeps in.

We talked, we mended. All is well. But let me break it down:

*Boys and Girls are different. Very different. Not the same at all. And sometimes, no matter how wonderful everything else is, the fundamentals can get a little messy. Take communication: Banker figured I remembered he took vacation in November. Yea, I remember him saying it, but I had no clue in real life. Me, I wanna know things like "Hey, I'm thinking of going on holiday, ________ week" or "I just got tickets for vacation!" Little update are nice. Being in the loop is GOOD FOR THE GOOSE. If the Goose is happy, the Gander is happy! Isn't this a basic concept?


The only way this is even remotely tolerable, aside from my ride-or-die girls, is the Banker himself. I am fortunate to have a nice boy like the banker. The little (and not so little) hiccups are made that much easier because he isn't a jackass. In fact, most of the time when these Venus vs. Mars differences occur, I am ready to peace out. I'm a quitter sometimes, I'll confess. My friends (who are all "team Banker" as they so readily remind me) are quick to give me some perspective: Good guys are few and far between. Banker is no angel-- but he always tries. I means, lets be honest, I'm not Sandra Dee. I'm more of a Rizzo. And that can be a lot of fun, until it's not fun anymore more, I'm sure. Basically, the only way to fight is to fight fair, and, a lot of the time, all a girl needs to here is "I'm sorry." It seriously wins 1/2 the battle. So, take that little pearl (little brother of mine, I know you're reading...)

I share this story specifically because I know how to do a lot of things, and the things I can't do, I can fake it til I make it. Except for dating. I don't do it. It's like, pointless and annoying and I can't stay still long enough to bother with it all. So I've just played the game my own way for the past 4 years or so. I'm Boss Bitch at being single, complete 5th grader at dating. I remember before I moved, good ole Grace told me that as soon as I met a guy that was worth it I'd give in a little. And, as my friend Kells would say "You're little ice box is more of a slushie now." I think about one of the final scenes in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and how his heart great 3x bigger after hearing the people of Who-ville sing. Not comparing myself to the Grinch, obviously I'm not out dicking people over, left and right.... I guess I wanna find the happy medium between Boss Bitch and Stupid Girls, and I suppose now is a good time to figure it out.

Halloween Woes.

I'm so bad at Halloween. Selecting a costume is difficult and like, having fun is a struggle too. Don't get me wrong, I'm effing fun as hell, but something about Halloween just kills me. I think this is why I always had a hard time getting on board with themed Pi Phi functions. I never knew what to wear/ didn't want to wear it. So, obviously last night was Halloween, and my friend KB decided to have a party at her apartment because her sister, as well as many of her friends from undergrad were in town.

Now, it's not like Halloween can just sneak up on you. Obviously its on Oct. 31, and every place on earth has seasonal swag everywhere. Why I wait until 7:00pm on Halloween night to look for a costume is beyond me. Couple that with the level of mayhem in the city because its gang initiation week and Saturday was the last night of it all. Needless to say, wandering around looking for a costume in the dark by myself wasn't really an option.

So, the banker came by after he got on work around 4:00 and we caught some of the Wake Forest v Miami game while I took a break from school work and he more or less napped on the couch. This turned into Nap Time At The Hargett's-- and here I am, take a nap, mid day, when I really have like, oh, a million things I need to do. Now, banker doesn't "do' Halloween after 29 years of NYC living, he's not up for the shenanigans that the night inevitably produces (man after my own heart, but i digress...)

We leave my house around 7, he is heading to the 116th street bus stop and I decide that to find a costume I should go to the only place I ever want to go for anything-- Rite Aid. I can't explain my relationship with it. Everything there is more expensive, they don't even have what I'm looking for 1/2 the time. The real grocery store is 1 more block away and there are bodegas, 99 cent stores (real popular up here), and liquor store in like a 3 block radius, but I am die hard Rite Aid! There was no costume in there. All they had left were fake severed limbs. I thought if worse comes to worse I could just wear some clothes, carry the fake bloody leg around and be a cannibal or something. Yup, a cannibal. That's the upper limit of my creativity. I buy beer and head home.

I immediately start dissecting my closet (and E's closet or that matter) and have come up with bits and pieces to make up costumes, but each suffered from the inevitable "if only I'd planned earlier....." crisis, and were discarded. While digging for a baseball cap I stumbled across my apron. You know, the one I own for when I cook (and y'all know I don't really cook like that....) Back to my closet.

I find my fishnets. over sized pearls. over sized button earrings. cardigan.... mary janes.... hum. what can I make..... OK, now for the back story:

my friends and I up here are all in a very interesting boat. All of us have a "somebody" in our lives, and up until last week, only Kelly was official. You know, an actual wifey. All of us joke about how we're just tryin to get that wifey status or how we want the "somebody" to become Superboo one day (Superboo-- download Kid Cudi song with same title). Clearly I haven't divulged much about me and the banker as of lately, but I can say that we are still in the "you're somebody" stage.

OK. Back to the front story:

I'm talking to Kelly at the time about how much Halloween sucks and costumes are confusing etc. I tell her what I have as possibilities. Conversation.

Me "I mean I just have these big ass pearls and you know, some bourgie clothes"
Kelly " I have a gold mask if you wanna borrow it."
Me "And what would I be?"
Kelly "I don't know."
Me "dammit. I'm just gonna dress like a housewife, put on this apron and go as Wifey. I mean, Halloween is supposed to be about playing make-believe, and all, right"
Kelly " OMG. I Die. That's hilarious. Get dressed and get over here."

so, I guess that solved that. and thus my costume was born. KB's visiting friend Jess gave it an official title "Can't turn a Ho into a Housewife"Fitting title for many reasons, but mainly because after many adult beverages my costume lost the skirt portion. in the official sense-- I still had the apron on....

So here are a couple very sloppy pictures. I'll add the pants-less one for your viewing pleasures as soon as whoever camera it's on sends it.

Me, KB, and Tomas playin around in front of the camera.
Myself and darling Tomas. He is officer Dangle from Reno 911
Me and Kelly finally pull of some sort of costume and pose for a picture.
There it is, me, and my new favorite Bud Light Golden Wheat. Big Pearls and all.

Headin down South, to the land of the Pine...

I am going to North Carolina this weekend! I am honestly so excited. I haven't spent this much time away from Frank and Cynthia since like, 2005. My cousin is getting married in Charlotte on Saturday, so I'm flying in to RDU Friday AM, driving down to Charlotte and will back in the triangle on Sunday AM, flying out at 4:00 that afternoon. I'm extra excited because SM's grandparents live in Charlotte and RSJ is like 2 hours away, so they are going to meet me in Charlotte for a little mini catching up.

There is so much I miss about home, the weather, the food, my friends and family and other random creature comforts... but I'm still absolutely positive that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Things up here couldn't be better. School is going well, busy, but manageable. My field placement is intense but I am loving it so far. E and I get along wonderfully (!!) and have gotten into a great routine at home. I love the fact that she's a good cook, she's got me more invested in my health, and because of her I'm not eating saltines and pickles for lunch, and popcorn and beer for dinner anymore.

I absolutely love my friends up here. They are some of the best girls I could have asked for in terms of new friends in a new place. This past weekend we spent it shopping in Soho and then went up to the Bronx where Morgan lives and hung out up there.

And the Banker... ah... the banker. He spent the weekend in Philadelphia with some college friends. I'll see him today and I'm pumped because I am so insanely busy that I cancelled on him twice last week and I haven't seen him since last Tuesday...

So clearly I owe some much better posts or else this blog is gonna end up sucking pretty hard. But... I need to scoot, gotta get myself together and make it to the Bronx by 8.... I'm meeting with all 3 of my clients today!

I took them off!

This will seem pretty silly to most of you, but, after a long chat with my new banker friend, and a couple days to think about it... I took my bracelets off (!!) Most likely only my old friends will know how big of a deal that is (ask SM to tell you the story about the time I fell coming out of the bathroom in the PBP basement and my brown bangle broke.... whew.) The thing is, I don't plan to replace them. I'm just gonna go sans bracelets for a while. It's a strange feeling sort of, not gonna lie!

Top Weekend

Well, another weekend has come and gone. This was an amazing one because SM was here to visit me! I haven't seen her in over a month and, for us, thats a terrible stretch. We had jam packed days of meeting friends, running around the city, Canal street, Top Shop, braving the rain, and a Drag Show. I had a wonderfully fun weekend and all in all it made me miss home even more. I am so excited to fly down in October for my cousins wedding. The above picture is of SM and I with 3 of my CUSSW friends.

Oh... and yes, SM met the banker. He hung out on Friday night for a long while and again on Saturday. He had nothing but positives to say about her (but who could have anything negative to say?!) and I certainly hope she liked him too, but if she didn't I know she will tell me. Thats the beauty of real friends, you know how big a deal it is to introduce them to a boy because the real friends will keep it funky with you and have no problem saying "Girl don't date that guy" if they get red flags, whether they are superficial or deep rooted problems, your homegirls always know. I'm not sweatin over here though. He has won E's approval and all of my city friends can't get enough of him... so, we'll see, right?

I can't believe it's Monday already... I'm still exhausted from last week :( I'll be back to blogging this week now that I've got myself on an excellent schedule (I think)

Soundtrack to my life--New York City

I start field placement tomorrow and, based on my talk with my supervisor, I am very very nervous and scared. I know I'm capable, but none the less--- its terrifying. The Banker is a typical boy and Sunday is dedicated to football of any variety. I spend my Sundays getting my life on track, but today it was more of a day to calm all of my nerves and prepare for field. Well, he must have felt my anxious energy on Saturday because this was in my inbox this morning:

Subject: There's nothing you can't do...

Body: Now you're in New york...

--- and the Jay-z song "Empire State of Mind" was an attachment.

The chorus

"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,

Theres nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re in New York,
these streets will make you feel brand new,
big lights will inspire you,
lets here it for New York, New York, New York"

I've been listening to it pretty much on repeat, and it's on my "Harlem/Bronx/Brooklyn/Manhattan" playlist. It's an amazing song about an amazing city, sent from a pretty swell guy, haha.

just to clarify...

I've been posting pictures as regularly as possible to facebook (even though I am starting to really not like it, too many bells and whistles...). As many of you know, I'm really bad at tagging pictures or writing captions because it's time consuming and I never know what to say in the captions. I realize the confusion that causes when stalking pictures because obviously people are on the look out for pictures of my new friends, and specifically this new boy, am I right.

a couple things that I died over:

8:20pm---

"Your lack of captions is making it hard for me to tell if the new guy is in your facebook album"

-- Bex, via text

And from Facebook--

BKE, EC, and Bex have inspired me to clean up my act on facebook, most definitely. And, just for the record:

-- The Banker doesn't "understand" facebook or myspace (I don't get myspace either....) So he doesn't have one, doesn't want one, literally is clueless about it. Furthermore, he thinks he isn't photogenic, so he doesn't like candid shots... or posing for them. AND, lets be honest, he knows what girls like us (me?) do with pictures... send them to other people, obv.

He is well versed on just about every friend I've ever had and is very set on making a good first impression, so if you ever call me and I'm with him, he most likely will want to talk to you, or pass some message through to you. Meeting my friends is something he takes pretty seriously (he doesn't get how a pictures doesn't equate to meeting, haha) So much that he was planning a trip the weekend SM visits and is currently trying to reschedule. he knows my friends = family to me, and to win with me, you gotta win with them! The feeling is mutual though, I am scared to meet his mom, didn't meet a couple of his friends one night b/c I had beast of a zit... silly girl stuff, but real stuff none the less.... Ok, that was a super long sidebar. my b.

There is one picture of him on facebook. (Please see exhibit A) His camera shyness is clearly in a conflict of interest for me, because I'd pose for a picture at the drop of a hat. So, please, imagine this BSS scenario:

Monday Night: The Banker and I have just gotten back from this cuban place where we were having drinks. E isn't home yet and so we beat her there. (E and the Banker are pretty much BFF, just fyi) Oops-- backstory: my mother is totally dying over the lack of info she has on the banker. I mean, i divulged all his "looks good on paper" info, but I had no picture and she had no like visual. So earlier that night she's all like "snap a picture! " and I'm like... "um... ok." (read: "um... no.")

ok, back to real time: So E gets home and is on the phone as she walks in 5 min later shes like "so.... our mom wants you to take this picture so I can send it to her." Die. Seriously, I DIE at that moment. Like, WHO DOES THAT?! ahhahaha it was just like, wow. So he debates for a while, (blazer, no blazer. smile, no smile) After about 15 minutes of E explaining a Southern Mother, he caves. And we pose for the grainiest, low budget, shit picture on earth. My mom loves it, however, and E had a great time torturing the kid. It was all in all hilarious though. SM is coming to visit me in a couple of weeks and I've already begun prepping him for the paparazzi like photo sessions that occur among old friends/drunken sorority girls. We'll see how he does. I assure you, despite the shit hole quality picture a couple of you received, the guy is a freakin Dime. Like.... pretty much regularly when I'm with him I'll be chatting and then I'm like "oh word?? I seriously am hanging with this Dime?"

So. Thats the story behind the lack of pictures (the the confusing pictures of me and other boys) I pretty much promise that the minute I get him in a legit, taken-with-a-real-camera picture, I'll share. Best guy friend Karl met him a couple of weekends ago... and according to SM and Grace, he knows his first sighting was very important to those back home... so, in the mean time, just ask him hahaha.

Exhibit A-- My girl KB was just snappin pictures at The Heights one night. There is a montage of ones similar to this one, all hilarious, but you can see how well the harmless candid shots picture turned out...

(he isn't that short, he's just sitting on a bar stool and I'm sort of standing up on my stool)

Homesickness?

So I know I haven't updated in a minute, and that sucks. It's mainly because,

a) I don't have anything new to say. ya'll know I am broke, you know I need to shop, you know I need to decorate, you know I like a boy.

b) my schedule is so whack right now. Like, I'm still not sure what it is that I'm doing in New York. The School if Social Work is effing amazing, they are starting us off very slowly because in a week my whole life is will be played when I am running around the Bronx 3 times a week with my clients and trying to balance a social life (which CUSSW promotes) and my school work. I guess I should relish in this slow start and all the down time....

The other side of it is this weird thing that is happening to me from time to time. When I left home I literally thought I was going to die at the airport. SM and RSJ took E and I and me (a complete non-crier) absolutely could not lock it up. However, by the time we got to our gate I was more or less cleaned up. When I got to New York the first week I was shocked that I wasn't melting down left and right. Everything was SO confusing, couldn't figure out how to get anywhere, or where to even go. It was hot, I was over walking, etc, etc. That passed too.

The thing is there are times I find myself the most homesick. It has happened 3 times here so far and it happens directly after something uncomfortable and unhappy happens here. Example: E and I got into our first fight about 10 days in (surprised we made it that long??) By the time the evening came around and I got on the phone with my dad all I could do was revert back to the 11 year old girl of yester-year-- unable to process anything, so I went crying to Daddy "I just want to come home." Luckily Frank is a no nonsense type and the "Seshie, I can't understand you if you choose to cry instead of speak" will always snap me out of it. I suspect it's that phrase that is the underlying motivator for my insistence on maintaining emotional control.... but I digress.

Truth is, North Carolina has grown to represent a lot more than my hometown, college town and where all my friends are. It's more of a creature comfort. So much that during my first "fight" with the banker I BBM SM (who was in Charlotte) and instead of initially explaining what was wrong or asking advice I just type to her "SM, I want to come home" and that like SOS, 911, ASAP code for "old girl isn't doing to good"

So, while it may seem that I am in heaven-on-earth for a 23 year old (which, I am) There are still times it sucks. The real test for me will be knowing that I can't run home and hid out on my parents couch like I could in college. It's going to be looking whatever the discomfort is, as there will be MANY more (esp. when it gets cold here), right in the face, putting on big girl pants and kicking ass.

Who will stop the rain?

When it rains in New York, it friggin just rains. Not like the nice rains at home where its like 80 thousand degrees and the sky breaks for 5 minutes and then for the rest of the day it's too humid to breathe. Here, it becomes day time, and it's all gray. And awkwardly humid, and smelly (idk...) and then it just rains.

The part that blows hardest is that you kind of can't stop. Like there is still shit to do and places to get to. Obviously this is my transition into yet another "what should I buy when I have money (on friday!!) segment:

A solid rainboot is paramount to not having a shitty day when it's raining. The rain trench and umbrella are handled, but, for me to the boots have been an outlier.

I spoke with BKE right before I left to get her thoughts on them since she'd just spent the summer as a Brooklyn wandering, downtown loving, denim cut off wearing, hipster/scenster intern for my favorite mag on earth, W. BKE said that the Hunter rainboots are pretty much gold standard, and I def like them. But then I saw these Michael Kors ones.... and I don't know what to do.

They are more or less the same price. I feel like the Hunters have more long term capabilities, better sole, etc. And like, honestly? I'm not buying a car. Not sure why it's 7am and I am acting like it's a life or death decision between a Camry and a Corolla.

Truth is, I have hung out with The Banker every day since our first date last Wednesday and I am doing all I can to not be an asshole and gush like a stupid girl. So I'm trying to find other Fun and Exciting Topics (Insert peppy excited voice!!) So that I don't reveal how un Sesh-like your formal stone cold ice queen has become....

wtf?? I leave the south for a city where you definately need to keep your balls, and I'm all running through the field of flowers like a loser... hahaha. Whatever, suffice to say, The Banker is a good one. I win.

Here are the damn boots... so much for my guise!

**side bar: Good Luck to NC-Delta with Rush this week** Someone keep me posted.

What I'm Wearing (what I wore) 09.0409

This is what I wore on date 2 with the banker.

Dress--Old Navy

Belt-- Jessica Simpson

Shoes-- Kenneth Cole

Date number 2 with the banker

The banker and I had our second date last night. It was wonderful. First E and I went to the bank to open a joint account, so he helped us do that (and I got my sister seal of approval) then we met at 6:30 and went to this great place for dinner and drinks. 2.5 hours later we walked back the 20 some odd blocks (holding hands! Haha) and then we came to my house and hung out talking until almost 4am (nothing happened. I swear!). We had a like, 9 hour date, hahaha.

So I really like him obviously and we actually made plans to catch some college football today, after he helps me locate a bookshelf.

More to come I'm sure...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

We will call him "the banker"

What is my life right now?!

oh my gossshhh.

So around 4 I get a text from the banker seeing if I am free for a quick drink. He explains that he is going to New Jersey for a football game on Thursday, and even though we have plans for Friday, he is anxious and would love to get together both today (Wednesday) and Fri.

Meanwhile, on campus the school of social work is having a cocktail thing (for whatever reason) and E had a date tonight as well with a guy she met downtown early last week--- needless to say, I was feeling a little overwhelmed and conflicted. E assures me that this is NOT the prom, she doesn't need me to see her off and give me the a-OK to go on with The banker.

I end up agreeing to meet him (but first went by my new friends Kim and Kellys apt to borrow eye liner, eye shadow and perfume) before meeting him at this bar call The Heights which between 111th and 112th and Broadway. The banker is coming straight from work so he is still in a suit and he looks adorable! We go in, he orders us drinks (margaritas, tequila shots) and dinner and we hang and talk for 3 hours (wtfffff). The convo was totally natural and I let him PDA me at the table (and ya'll know I don't do that shit). He thinks I'm so Southern and its fascinating , and all I can think is " I'm so not a southern girl." Which made me realize that southern girls would fare well in terms of meeting boys in the city. They seem to love the complexities that is the Southern Girl DNA.

He is such a perfect gentleman and so much EXACTLY what I'm looking for... like, omg. It's insane. He took me home, walked me inside of my first locked door and you know... hhaha ahhhhh!!! The night ended perfectly!

So, for the curious: hes 29. went to college in Long Island, was born and raised in the upper westside. He's Puerto Rican (can I get a yum?!) and about 6ft tall.

We still have our date set for Friday, where we're planning on dinner and a movie at the theatre down by where I stay. The cutest thing is that tonight he kept asking about my friends, family, college and hometown life, as if he could sense the important roll all of those people and places play for me. And in addition, he was so looking forward to watching ACC football and curious about March Madness and UNC basketball. Um.... look at him making future plans and being all up in my grill, trying to know my life.

It's so exciting because for the first time in a very long time I am going to let myself be open and willing to go with it, the whole having a crush and acting on it. Needless to say, I 'm totally smitten. I'll keep you posted on the banker. def.

Also, don't get all pumped about this wide open post. I'm twisted off drinks and loving the fact that I can DUI it on foot. So, just know, if I wasn't drinking, ya'll wouldn't get privy to any of this-- -especially not via a midnight posting!

hhaha the end!