Baltimore or Bust.

2 weeks after my birthday my Mom invited me to meet her down in Baltimore, MD. She and 3 of her sisters had decided to take a girls weekend to do something different and fun. So, of course I decided to go on and make the trip. I took a 5:45am train down there, die. Arriving at 8:30am, I literally had like 36 hours to spend down there so.... we were going to make the most of it? 

This is me after arriving at the train place and literally I have no idea what the H I'm supposed to do... so I just stand there like a jack ass, watching people, taking pictures of myself, and texting.... until I decide to be a grown up and find the shuttle to the airport, haha. 

My mom and I get shit crackin right away, drop the bags at the hotel and go to the harbor to shop (and drink) and I think we literally drank the entire day. I forgot how much of a G my mom is, and like.... Who else is gonna get my slingin cocktails at 11:30am in 95 degree weather like it's water? Cynthia. Eventually my Aunts join us (and my great Aunt, Frankie who is truly an OG) We end up taking a boat cruise around the Harbor. Cute right? Right.

Here we are waiting for the boat. The picture doesn't do a great job of portraying the severity of the heat, the inappropriateness of our drunkenness, or how sweaty we were, but I suppose it for the best. Why isn't Cynthia smiling in the picture? She's busy looking at the wedding party that's passing by. Women are in long satin dresses and pantyhose. All with weigh issues that are not in agreement the clothing material nor dress designs. It was a side show. I was in people watching heaven.

The Spirit Cruise Line experience is difficult to explain. It's so cheesy. It's perfect. Again, we're twisted. My mom ordered a drink and when the waitress brought it she (mom) promptly spills is all over the table. Typical. The girl brings her a new one, and some how only 1/2 of the drink spilled so actually, Cynthia FTW, way to score a "buy-one-get-one-1/2-off" on your cocktail. That's our girl C, cheers-ing the spilled drink.

As the cruise continues I get more anti and judgmental. This cruise has all this entertainment where like the waiters and waitresses were also performing songs and had costume changes and everything. No. Bueno. If you can imagine, our table was right at the front (the "stage") and the buffet and bar was behind it. I stumble over there to order another bud light, just as my waitress begins singing her version of Miley Cyrus "The Climb" to a table of 7th grade girl scouts. The bartender passes me my beer and, naturally, as I am my Mothers' daughter, I drop it. To make matters worse, I look the bartender dead in the face, and break the silence of everyone else politely listening to the waitress sing by shouting "FUCK." 

There is beer all over me, so yea, that's trashy, and I'm like laughing and shamed to death, but not really.... and the waitress is in a shiny vest, and she's singing the hell out of "The Climb".... The bartender is a doll and gets me a new Bud light. But wait--- The one that hit the floor is still mostly full. Since I'm as close to trailer park Tanya as I have probably ever been in my life, I pick the beer up off the floor, take my new beer, cheers the bartender with my double fists, and peace the eff out. 

Met my family on the top of the boat to "look at the view" which meant we all sat there and passed out til the cruise was over.

The rest of the trip, blah blah blah, ending in a bullshit ass train ride back to New York, which has me swearing of Amtrak just like I did in 2007. Swearing it off until I decide to book another, that is.