Awkward & Uncomfortable: Facebook Status.

I was browsing FB.... and came across this choice nug for A&U moments....:

....I don't need to explain. I laughed then.... and I guess I'm still laughing now. haha. Half the reason I die about facebook is because of the type of shit this Scarlet Mae Brook likes to pull. Like, no. I don't want to win a free i-pad, or answer your fucking secret question, or play honesty box, or attend your shitty bands' concert at a cafe in a town that I don't live anywhere near.... and! Not to mention, I get logged out every 3 seconds when I'm on from my computer anyways.... Listen, I digress. But todays A&U goes to Scarlet Mae Brook, you self promoting, advertising, shit-posting-to-peoples-wall, you!

No. Bueno.

I should have taken the time to block the names out, sure. But why bother, clearly they were ok to have this awkward as shit convo on facebook. When I see these choice nugs I can't help but send them to someone. Facebook really kills me. This is sort of why. hahahaha.

My Work. My Life. Conflict of Interest?

Forgive me, Tory Burch, for I have sinned. When the weather changed I had to turn in my jeans and Nikes for (conservative) dresses and flats. Not that much cuter, but I'm not sweating like a beast any longer. The thing is... I really like my job. So much. I love it. It was my 1st year internship originally, then they hired me for the summer. I work with Homeless individuals and, even though I have an office, I spend most of the day in the field.
I have a client who I have had a lot of trouble finding lately, he has an apartment in Manhattan, but spends a lot of his time with his clique in the North East Bronx at the end of the 6 train.

My poor flats....

My co-workers leading the way before the "path" ends.

Today I came out with my 2 Favorite outreach workers, Jose and David to find him. I had a couple tips about where they were and wanted to check it out. Back in the day my client and his clique had a huge tent encampment deep in the woods, but they got cleaned out a while back. I told them that I had heard through the vine that the encampment was back, and that I'd seen a couple of them walking into the woods the day before.

I think my co-workers were a little skeptical because the Tents were a major deal back in the day. And here's the conflict of interest. Like could I be a bigger oxymoron. Here I am in a black cotton dress, Tory Burch flats, and accessories (including over sized sunglasses) walking into the woods with my two male co workers who are In jeans and boots. We pulled off of I-95 and at the light change people start honking their horn. Why? Because the cars are too busy rubber necking and have missed the light turning. Die.

We get into the woods...and I mean... There's a "path" but it's still pretty Outward Bound. The path stops but I like, I am high stepping in grass up to my waist, prob. flashing my underwear to anyone if they happened to look. I told Jose I'd seen my clients shopping cart (shopping carts are like cars to clients, and if you know your client, you know their cart) with a bag of charcoal in it. So, after I spot my clients cart and charcoal near by, I'm pretty much positive they are set back up in there again.

I mean.... its 9:30 am. Seriously.

The Tent!

More of the Encampment.

My clients cart.

And we did. The entire encampment was back! Hahaha I know nobody understands how exciting this was/probably are still confused as to how/why I do this job (especially if you know me personally...) But it was effing dope. I'm literally covered in big raised mosquito bites, and am cut from thorny vines but whatever....

Anyways, I wanted to share that because this is what I spend a lot of my time doing (working, not wandering in the woods in sundresses), and I don't write about it much, but I have had some requests to talk more about work (and by "some requests", I just mean K.Beau and Bex) So, I obliged.

thoughts?

Frienemies.

Jello Shots and me are frienemies. Like, I freakin swear to god, every time I see her, I only remember the good times, and how awesome and fun she is, I forget how much of a little bitch Jello Shots is, until she stabs me in the back a few hours later. I shouldn't blame her, she can't help her nasty attitude, I should know better by now, but I'm a sucker. 

A couple weekends ago me, LA and K.beau decided to go out, it was last minute and one of those necessary outings, so whatever. We go to this place called Alibi. The first time we went the weekend before it was (literally) a hot tranny mess in there, so why we decided to try again, I don't know. In hindsight I think that whore of a friend, Jello Shots was luring me there, calling to my subconscious. Oh well, we'll never. know.

Things start off relatively good! like yay, we're out, we look cute, we're having fun, and like, the DJ is kind of good all is well. And honestly, as far as I know, it was a great night.... I later (the next day) am kindly sent pictures from K.beau. And like... 

Dead. Obligatory SubwayEatFresh stop, clearly I was feeling the whole healthy lifestyle because I got them apples.... and passed out in the 24 hour Subway. 

Top Night.

Baltimore or Bust.

2 weeks after my birthday my Mom invited me to meet her down in Baltimore, MD. She and 3 of her sisters had decided to take a girls weekend to do something different and fun. So, of course I decided to go on and make the trip. I took a 5:45am train down there, die. Arriving at 8:30am, I literally had like 36 hours to spend down there so.... we were going to make the most of it? 

This is me after arriving at the train place and literally I have no idea what the H I'm supposed to do... so I just stand there like a jack ass, watching people, taking pictures of myself, and texting.... until I decide to be a grown up and find the shuttle to the airport, haha. 

My mom and I get shit crackin right away, drop the bags at the hotel and go to the harbor to shop (and drink) and I think we literally drank the entire day. I forgot how much of a G my mom is, and like.... Who else is gonna get my slingin cocktails at 11:30am in 95 degree weather like it's water? Cynthia. Eventually my Aunts join us (and my great Aunt, Frankie who is truly an OG) We end up taking a boat cruise around the Harbor. Cute right? Right.

Here we are waiting for the boat. The picture doesn't do a great job of portraying the severity of the heat, the inappropriateness of our drunkenness, or how sweaty we were, but I suppose it for the best. Why isn't Cynthia smiling in the picture? She's busy looking at the wedding party that's passing by. Women are in long satin dresses and pantyhose. All with weigh issues that are not in agreement the clothing material nor dress designs. It was a side show. I was in people watching heaven.

The Spirit Cruise Line experience is difficult to explain. It's so cheesy. It's perfect. Again, we're twisted. My mom ordered a drink and when the waitress brought it she (mom) promptly spills is all over the table. Typical. The girl brings her a new one, and some how only 1/2 of the drink spilled so actually, Cynthia FTW, way to score a "buy-one-get-one-1/2-off" on your cocktail. That's our girl C, cheers-ing the spilled drink.

As the cruise continues I get more anti and judgmental. This cruise has all this entertainment where like the waiters and waitresses were also performing songs and had costume changes and everything. No. Bueno. If you can imagine, our table was right at the front (the "stage") and the buffet and bar was behind it. I stumble over there to order another bud light, just as my waitress begins singing her version of Miley Cyrus "The Climb" to a table of 7th grade girl scouts. The bartender passes me my beer and, naturally, as I am my Mothers' daughter, I drop it. To make matters worse, I look the bartender dead in the face, and break the silence of everyone else politely listening to the waitress sing by shouting "FUCK." 

There is beer all over me, so yea, that's trashy, and I'm like laughing and shamed to death, but not really.... and the waitress is in a shiny vest, and she's singing the hell out of "The Climb".... The bartender is a doll and gets me a new Bud light. But wait--- The one that hit the floor is still mostly full. Since I'm as close to trailer park Tanya as I have probably ever been in my life, I pick the beer up off the floor, take my new beer, cheers the bartender with my double fists, and peace the eff out. 

Met my family on the top of the boat to "look at the view" which meant we all sat there and passed out til the cruise was over.

The rest of the trip, blah blah blah, ending in a bullshit ass train ride back to New York, which has me swearing of Amtrak just like I did in 2007. Swearing it off until I decide to book another, that is.

Email Forwards.

I got this e-mail forward at work once. I really hate that sort of a thing...at my last just people in the office who I never even talked to would send me them. The ones that irked me where the scary ones like "little girl is dying, then God sent an Angel and she lived. Message: be an angel. Now send this to 10 of your friends." The fuck outta here. That shit is terrifying to me on some end-of-days, 2012 level of fear.
Anyways, at my current office there is a staff size of 13. 5 are women. I have next to nothing in common with these girls, but I always try...! So I get a forward from the admin. Assistant girl about how being a woman in the bathroom sucks. Because I don't have any other real way to engage with these girls. The least I can do is read an reply with the standard " LMAO. OMG, girl! All of that was SO true! :-)" so, I read the forward. It goes through this long (and decidedly not funny,) series of unfortunate events like the ever-so-scary; "there's not toilet paper in here" but the smart and savvy woman in the email had a "crumpled Kleenex" in her purse-- treat! Or how "squatting over the urine covered toilet is the only for of exercise of the day". There was a part in the email where the lady sees that the stall has no hook for her purse and so she is left with no choice. She puts the purse around her neck. I distinctly remember rolling my eyes about that. I mean.... It's just kind of really stupid....err.... And practical.
After seeing SATC2 with SM & Jcam in Durham, we went to the bathroom before we left. I check every stall and each of them looks like a Port-o-potty, which is alarming because last time I checked, the movie theater was an indoor facility. I thought I'd wandered into a music festival...or a construction site. Anyways, I find the most clean stall and you know proceed to go in. I notice there is no hook and I had the A-HA moment where I remembered the e-mail chain at work. So my genius ass puts the bag around my neck. Well. The momentum of the swinging bag (that, and me trying to take a picture of my bathroom antics) caused me to lose balance, pissing all over everything but the actual water in the toilet. Shamed to death, basically. Luckily there was enough toilet paper from every other trashy bitch who some how missed the bowl and threw theirs on the floor, that I felt no real guilt about the pee incident. (PS: no pee got on me). I guess those work forwards do have some merit after all....

Sorry for Partying.

This note was left, presumably for E, after Morgs passed out in our bathroom floor. The story that lead up to this is epic, and I need a couple of days to get all the details straight, but.... DC-Meg, K.beau, Morgs and myself were all the way turnt up last weekend... story coming soon!

Butler Library Chronicles: day 4... or 5. I don't Know.

  

Hey there friends. 

I'm still holding myself captive in the library, trying to get through finals. Thought I'd hit you with the quick update:

Picture 1) me and my boo, Butler... doesn't he looks so sexy and handsome in the twilight?

Picture 2) Cola, red bull, powerade, water. All that caffeine is going to put me into a 'roid rage if I'm not careful...

Picture 3) This is what I get for studying in the Undergrad Library.... some freshman-ass-behavior right there. 

The good news is, the end is near. I'll be back to the good stuff later. But right now, me, and my greasiness need to get back to this bitch of a finale paper (due tomorrow at 2pm) 

Butler Library Chronicles: Wireless Balls.

 Today was day three at Butler Lib. I was listening to Pandora  and it kept timing out. So it gives me this message about how my internet connection isn't strong enough. OK, first of all, what? second of all... I'm in the undergraduate reading room (fail) third of all, I just don't like whats going on. So I check the connection, and I AM connected to the schools wireless. But then I look at the locked network under it.

*dead*. Also.... who the hell is "fabulous Muscles"?? Sir, can you please not name your wireless network that? Anyways, the ball sack/cock thing made me laugh and sort of reminded me of this story.

Alright that's it from the Library... more later. I'm not free til the 29th.