Funny Of The Week.

thanks to Nick J. (Jhani's Beau) for the funny video.... literally dead everytime I watch it.

Awkward & Uncomfortable: Facebook Status.

I was browsing FB.... and came across this choice nug for A&U moments....:

....I don't need to explain. I laughed then.... and I guess I'm still laughing now. haha. Half the reason I die about facebook is because of the type of shit this Scarlet Mae Brook likes to pull. Like, no. I don't want to win a free i-pad, or answer your fucking secret question, or play honesty box, or attend your shitty bands' concert at a cafe in a town that I don't live anywhere near.... and! Not to mention, I get logged out every 3 seconds when I'm on from my computer anyways.... Listen, I digress. But todays A&U goes to Scarlet Mae Brook, you self promoting, advertising, shit-posting-to-peoples-wall, you!

No. Bueno.

I should have taken the time to block the names out, sure. But why bother, clearly they were ok to have this awkward as shit convo on facebook. When I see these choice nugs I can't help but send them to someone. Facebook really kills me. This is sort of why. hahahaha.

just to clarify...

I've been posting pictures as regularly as possible to facebook (even though I am starting to really not like it, too many bells and whistles...). As many of you know, I'm really bad at tagging pictures or writing captions because it's time consuming and I never know what to say in the captions. I realize the confusion that causes when stalking pictures because obviously people are on the look out for pictures of my new friends, and specifically this new boy, am I right.

a couple things that I died over:

8:20pm---

"Your lack of captions is making it hard for me to tell if the new guy is in your facebook album"

-- Bex, via text

And from Facebook--

BKE, EC, and Bex have inspired me to clean up my act on facebook, most definitely. And, just for the record:

-- The Banker doesn't "understand" facebook or myspace (I don't get myspace either....) So he doesn't have one, doesn't want one, literally is clueless about it. Furthermore, he thinks he isn't photogenic, so he doesn't like candid shots... or posing for them. AND, lets be honest, he knows what girls like us (me?) do with pictures... send them to other people, obv.

He is well versed on just about every friend I've ever had and is very set on making a good first impression, so if you ever call me and I'm with him, he most likely will want to talk to you, or pass some message through to you. Meeting my friends is something he takes pretty seriously (he doesn't get how a pictures doesn't equate to meeting, haha) So much that he was planning a trip the weekend SM visits and is currently trying to reschedule. he knows my friends = family to me, and to win with me, you gotta win with them! The feeling is mutual though, I am scared to meet his mom, didn't meet a couple of his friends one night b/c I had beast of a zit... silly girl stuff, but real stuff none the less.... Ok, that was a super long sidebar. my b.

There is one picture of him on facebook. (Please see exhibit A) His camera shyness is clearly in a conflict of interest for me, because I'd pose for a picture at the drop of a hat. So, please, imagine this BSS scenario:

Monday Night: The Banker and I have just gotten back from this cuban place where we were having drinks. E isn't home yet and so we beat her there. (E and the Banker are pretty much BFF, just fyi) Oops-- backstory: my mother is totally dying over the lack of info she has on the banker. I mean, i divulged all his "looks good on paper" info, but I had no picture and she had no like visual. So earlier that night she's all like "snap a picture! " and I'm like... "um... ok." (read: "um... no.")

ok, back to real time: So E gets home and is on the phone as she walks in 5 min later shes like "so.... our mom wants you to take this picture so I can send it to her." Die. Seriously, I DIE at that moment. Like, WHO DOES THAT?! ahhahaha it was just like, wow. So he debates for a while, (blazer, no blazer. smile, no smile) After about 15 minutes of E explaining a Southern Mother, he caves. And we pose for the grainiest, low budget, shit picture on earth. My mom loves it, however, and E had a great time torturing the kid. It was all in all hilarious though. SM is coming to visit me in a couple of weeks and I've already begun prepping him for the paparazzi like photo sessions that occur among old friends/drunken sorority girls. We'll see how he does. I assure you, despite the shit hole quality picture a couple of you received, the guy is a freakin Dime. Like.... pretty much regularly when I'm with him I'll be chatting and then I'm like "oh word?? I seriously am hanging with this Dime?"

So. Thats the story behind the lack of pictures (the the confusing pictures of me and other boys) I pretty much promise that the minute I get him in a legit, taken-with-a-real-camera picture, I'll share. Best guy friend Karl met him a couple of weekends ago... and according to SM and Grace, he knows his first sighting was very important to those back home... so, in the mean time, just ask him hahaha.

Exhibit A-- My girl KB was just snappin pictures at The Heights one night. There is a montage of ones similar to this one, all hilarious, but you can see how well the harmless candid shots picture turned out...

(he isn't that short, he's just sitting on a bar stool and I'm sort of standing up on my stool)

My Beef with girls: Life Lessons from White Oleander.

This post has been a work in progress over the weeks. It started after a particular wall post I go from a girl who isn't even my friend, many talks with various friends, watching E! news, and reflecting a bit on my own relationship style in the past and what that means for me currently and in the future.

A little sidebar. Here are some emotions you should not feel while reading this: a) personal attack. get real. I'm not talking to any to or about anyone specifically, but rather a type. It just so happens that a lot of girls are this type. oh well. If for some reason you get that deja vu feeling that we've had this conversation before.... we probably have. So you're not surprised-- ergo, you're not upset. If you are upset, be upset with yourself, not me haha. b) bad for me. The most wasteful thing in the world is pitying someone else. I do it more than I like to, and I absolutely hate someone feeling sorry for me. Please. Thats where this post originated from. Some girl who's phone number isn't even in my cell, deciding to feel bad for me. c) any other emotion, really. You guys know me. I'm consistent with my opinions. More than that, I'm really not mean. take it with a grain of salt, I'm part way joking, but mostly it's written with a serious tone--- with a slight undertone of a joke. real slight. Almost not even there.

I remember reading this book back in high school, excellent read--- but this post isn't about the book.

I was this post on that tumblr I love, and nearly flipped this morning. I finally felt like I could take this post out of the "drafts" a post it.

There is a part in the book where the main character is visiting her mother (who is in jail) and she give her this little pearl of advice:

Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space, the best you can do is know yourself, know what you want.

....and the people say, AMEN. JM&J! This is one of the most true statements I have ever heard. I don't fully understand what makes girls behave as they do, and I suppose that is the beauty of individuality, however, the type of girl this quote describes is the complete opposite of girl I think of myself to be. So, imagine my growing frustration/confusion with this kind of girls. Some famous examples?

Jessica Simpson. Marrys Nick Lachey. Leaves him, has a string of boyfriends who she smothers (Tony Romo, John Mayer) and in between her break ups processed to gain obvious "I hate myself because I'm single again" weight and is seen in all of the tabloids looking unhappy, sour, and pathetic. Where is her career? Example 2: Lindsey Lohan. Dates Samantha Ronson. She becomes a giant clinger, at all of Ronson's DJ-ing gigs, runs around in leggings and see through tank tops-- no bra. Loses more and more weight so she and Rosons can be twins, with Lohan in said leggings and Ronson is skinny jeans and giant tennis shoes. They break up, Lindsey embarrasses herself on her twitter and every other possible public venue. Restraining orders, more drunken coked up debacles... and all the while, she still can't work because she gave up her life and compromised herself for her relationship.

More?? Amy Winehouse (talented as hell, dates and marries "blake incarcerated" and is hooked on black tar heroin, crack rocks, booze. Is a dirty toothless, scab covered skeleton with a nappy weave and no career.) Usher (in this situation, he is the stupid bitch. not his soon to be ex wife. had a legit career, gets caught up with this old lady who is his stylist. Fires his mom, marries said old lady, gets her preg. TWICE. she has secret plastic surgery in another country and almost dies--- and now they are divorcing. And where, pray tell, is his career??) Jennifer Anniston (lost BRAD PITT to Angelina. That is awful. Please have the dignity to pick yourself up and stop dating people and being dumped over and over. and stop being Rachel from friends please, thanks.), Jennifer Lopez (takes another woman's husband-- and he is a loser, and her career is a joke because she only does his lame ass projects and he isn't relevant and neither is she.) I could go on and on, and unfortunately I could add to this list the majority of my friends.

I'm on no high horse, trust me. I've been this girl before involved in this type of BS shenanigans, letting my self worth and value in life be defined by the guy I'm with. That never goes well. I'd never do it again, and, I honestly feel bad for others who are in this situations. Mainly for the ones who don't know it-- actually, it could possibly be worse for girls/guys who DO know it (but thats a life lesson for another rainy day).

I had this conversation with a good friend, MO'C. She and I are cut from the same cloth. Nice girls, lots of girl friends, blah blah blah-- oh, and don't forget: the made-of-steel walls up guarding ourselves, specifically our hearts. Like myself, MO'C understands a fundamental truth about life. You only have yourself at the end of the day. Why would you lay down and become a doormat, on on-call ego stroke for some guy? Why would you be seen out with someone who is embarrassing/annoying/rude/degrading/insulting/ugly/ immature/cheats on you/boring/ignorant/out of shape/poorly dressed/poorly groomed/disrespectful/ doesn't like your friends/your friends don't like him/cheap/lazy/non committal/blurred family boundaries? If you want to feel like shit, treat yourself life shit. If you're lonely, go out in public, If you "just want someone there" go jump off a bridge. Girls who use relationships as the two feet they stand on make me angry. What does that say about girls who don't? is there something wrong with being single and self sufficient? This brings me to this: written on my wall some months ago.

What is that? Why is that 1)something you're concerned with, girl-I-wasn't-even-friends-with-in-high school? 2) why is it on my WALL? are you on Crack. do you not understand that if I didn't have a blackberry I wouldn't have seen that message for days because Who really uses the computer version of Facebook anymore, AMIRITE? (I am obsessed with that little mash-up phrase now!) Honestly, that wallposting alone was the starting point for my whole what the eff, girls feelings that I've been having. I swear.

Another friend who is the epitome of standing on her own two is RSJ. One thing I hate is when someone asks your advice, does the opposite, then runs back to you, wanting help cleaning up the mess. with RSJ its the complete opposite. This is usually how it goes:

RSJ: I'm thinking of doing [insert activity that may or may not be a good idea]

Me: ... I don't know, RSJ... this is probably a shitty idea because of x,y,z

RSJ: [later] well, I decided to do _______. It was a bad idea, dammit.

And we move on.

Accountability and commonsense goes a long way.

To round out this life-lesson/rant: I actually don't really care what anyone does with any guy or girl. At the end of the day, it isn't my problem or concern. What does sadden/enrage me is watching my friends go through life and have no clue of their own self worth or personal value. These are the kinds of girls who become women, married to the wrong guy-- the one she settled for. Popping out babies and living a shitty life where they continue to lose themselves in a guy.... But it doesn't really matter, because they didn't take the time to find out who they were in the first place.

Ok, Cyber hugs to you all. End Of Rant.

"The Wrinkle" and other photo trends.

Well, what started off as a quest for a new blogger user ID picture became an all out photo analysis.

I was on facebook looking through my

tagged pictures, trying to find an acceptable one. I was thinking about the reasons why I didn't pick certain pictures. The most

reason I passed on a pictures was because of The Wrinkle. Sometimes when I smile it makes the space between my eyes wrinkle. Who notices that mess? I do. I remember a few months back posting a new facebook pictures, one that contained "the wrinkle" and then texting my brother to look at it. His response was that it was fine, however, when I asked "does

it make me look devilish?" his new reply was "now that you've said that, I can see what you

mean." Epic Fail. Picture removed. What is the said wrinkle? see pictures above. These are excellent examples of it, and each one goes even farther as to highlight another commonly seen element in my pictures, a) almost closed eyes, b) a smile that has bust out the frame of a regular smile, and c) the (pretty much standard) open mouth-- extra points if you can spot the ever-present blue chewing gum. So in hunting for the perfect picture, sans "the wrinkle" I started to notice a lot of other expressions and traits that seem to make up the usuj of my pictures. Don't worry. I'm not on some queer self-hate rampage, I'm not into that. It's more that any of my friends know these faces and they have their own, (which I will detail later, trust and believe. ) I think it's hilarious, and what's better is looking back at particular pictures, with certain faces or whatever, and remembering what it is that I was doing/thinking or that was happening at the time. I had fun collecting the faces, so get pumped for the posts that will follow.