Webster Hall.

One of my new favorite venues for a show is Webster Hall.
This past weekend we went to the Vampire Weekend after party/Chromeo DJ set at Webster Hall. It was like the most incredible thing I've ever been to, surreal in a way because Webster Hall is this giant sprawling old building with different rooms and bars tucked away in corners. Never mind the 19 year old little bitches tryin to buck like it was an episode of the Bad Girls Club... We drank $3 PBR and danced on stage to wonderful House, Reggae, Mash-ups, and top 40 music until 3am. I finally figured out my third professional calling... Go-Go dancing.
This is a picture K.beau took of the awesome wall paper in the ladies bathroom. Cute.
I'll post the others as soon as I upload.

Bitch Re-certification.

If you were living under a rock between summer 07 and graduation c/o 08 from NCSU, then that's the only reason I can fathom as to why you wouldn't know this book. At one point or another my girls and I have all been cornered by the other and told to "think like a BITCH!" In moments of dummy weakness when it comes to playing the game. My biggest fault is that I speak bitch (better than I speak English, to be honest) in every situation except for in relationships. (Also, let's remember, I don't date.)

The last 2-3 weeks have made for an eerie junior highschool-esque experience for me and a certain new male friend who I'd love to name or nick name but won't.....yet.

The days of sluttin and trickin are left on Genwood ave., PB's & EV's porches. Its time in my life, I'm 24 for chrissake, to try this crazy thing people call dating. So... I'm revisiting the original, gold standard "Why Men Marry Bitches" and will keep y'all posted on what I'm learning. Knowledge is Power, y'all...


Thanks, SM for demanding that I re-read this, instead of acting like a dickhead.



33M4ZV4AAHEZ

Venus vs Mars: on Communication.

I mentioned that in my brief time away, I would randomly think of things I wanted to write on my blog, I'd start the post, then just save it as a draft. Well, all of those stories/snippets/I'm sorry for partying/life lessons, have turned in to a lil somethin' somethin' I'm going to call "Venus vs Mars." Why? a) When Jay-z's Blueprint 3 came out, banker and I heard that song, resolved it was written about is and geeked out about it for about 2 weeks. b) over the weeks, I have had numerous "oh, word??" moments with the Banker. You know what I'm talking about.... like, something happens that is good for the gander (read: NOT good for the goose) and ALL I can think is "Oh, wooorrrddd????" Like, this is so not gonna work. For like... me. At all.

As these little situations have come and gone, I have had time to reflect on them, on me, on girls in general. You know, all that "self-awareness" that I am learning at school (see how applicable it all is??) Figured I would share them because really as far as you know, all I do in New York is stand around taking pictures of myself in clothes/whine about being busy/listen to songs with awkward love undertones. Not (completely) true. I just hit my 100th post the other day, and figure anyone who still reads should be privy to a little more inside information. Lets see how many of you are left when I get to the 200th post.... so, here goes:

In the inaugural post of this nature, I'll hit you with the most recent.

Venus vs Mars--- Communication.


Allow me to set up the scene:

[End of September]

Me: Banker, my schedule in November is totally erratic. I'm going home the first weekend for a wedding, my mom's gonna come up for like a week, You know, I'll leave for Thanksgiving....
Banker: How do you fill up your whole November when it's September?
Me: I don't know... but we're like, never gonna see each other.
Banker: It will be fine, I usually go on Vacation in November, this year I'm thinking Barbados, maybe Cabo.
Me: What.
Banker: I'm not going to forget about you because I'm going on vacation.

Whats wrong here?? In theory, nothing at all. In fact, I'll give the boy snaps for picking up on the mini freak out I had when he mentioned "Cabo" (in my defense, I think it was a reflex! Seriously, though...who the eff is like, "hey, boy-I-wanna-date, please, run as fast as you can to Sodom and Gamorrah-- no worries here." Please.) In the conversation above, indeed: Whats Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander.

Lets come back to this little scenario: [last week]
sidebar: This is about day 12 of mess. Schedules are all over the place, he's doing ~60hrs a week, I'm waking at 5:00am and going to bed at 1:00am. It's an all around sucky crap-tastic time.

Me: Banker, I'm gonna be up for another couple of hours, you wanna call me here now in a few so I can take a break. (a text, obviously)
Banker: Can we talk tomorrow?? I'm half way to being asleep..... I'm sorry, Goodnight babe.

[here is the 10 minute window of angry silence that translates as "no text back"]

Banker: ?? hello?
Me: well, you know I'm going home on Thursday, and when I get back my mom is here for the week. I have no clue when we're gonna hang out, what, in December? [this is the blog-better version of my text back. the REAL one was full brat mode. but, for self-preservation, I've edited it. At least I admitted it though....]
Banker: I'm going to Barbados next week.

And: I promptly call SM, which is crazy because I don't like talking on the phone. Mid-SOS phone call the Banker Beeps in.

We talked, we mended. All is well. But let me break it down:

*Boys and Girls are different. Very different. Not the same at all. And sometimes, no matter how wonderful everything else is, the fundamentals can get a little messy. Take communication: Banker figured I remembered he took vacation in November. Yea, I remember him saying it, but I had no clue in real life. Me, I wanna know things like "Hey, I'm thinking of going on holiday, ________ week" or "I just got tickets for vacation!" Little update are nice. Being in the loop is GOOD FOR THE GOOSE. If the Goose is happy, the Gander is happy! Isn't this a basic concept?


The only way this is even remotely tolerable, aside from my ride-or-die girls, is the Banker himself. I am fortunate to have a nice boy like the banker. The little (and not so little) hiccups are made that much easier because he isn't a jackass. In fact, most of the time when these Venus vs. Mars differences occur, I am ready to peace out. I'm a quitter sometimes, I'll confess. My friends (who are all "team Banker" as they so readily remind me) are quick to give me some perspective: Good guys are few and far between. Banker is no angel-- but he always tries. I means, lets be honest, I'm not Sandra Dee. I'm more of a Rizzo. And that can be a lot of fun, until it's not fun anymore more, I'm sure. Basically, the only way to fight is to fight fair, and, a lot of the time, all a girl needs to here is "I'm sorry." It seriously wins 1/2 the battle. So, take that little pearl (little brother of mine, I know you're reading...)

I share this story specifically because I know how to do a lot of things, and the things I can't do, I can fake it til I make it. Except for dating. I don't do it. It's like, pointless and annoying and I can't stay still long enough to bother with it all. So I've just played the game my own way for the past 4 years or so. I'm Boss Bitch at being single, complete 5th grader at dating. I remember before I moved, good ole Grace told me that as soon as I met a guy that was worth it I'd give in a little. And, as my friend Kells would say "You're little ice box is more of a slushie now." I think about one of the final scenes in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and how his heart great 3x bigger after hearing the people of Who-ville sing. Not comparing myself to the Grinch, obviously I'm not out dicking people over, left and right.... I guess I wanna find the happy medium between Boss Bitch and Stupid Girls, and I suppose now is a good time to figure it out.

My Beef with girls: Life Lessons from White Oleander.

This post has been a work in progress over the weeks. It started after a particular wall post I go from a girl who isn't even my friend, many talks with various friends, watching E! news, and reflecting a bit on my own relationship style in the past and what that means for me currently and in the future.

A little sidebar. Here are some emotions you should not feel while reading this: a) personal attack. get real. I'm not talking to any to or about anyone specifically, but rather a type. It just so happens that a lot of girls are this type. oh well. If for some reason you get that deja vu feeling that we've had this conversation before.... we probably have. So you're not surprised-- ergo, you're not upset. If you are upset, be upset with yourself, not me haha. b) bad for me. The most wasteful thing in the world is pitying someone else. I do it more than I like to, and I absolutely hate someone feeling sorry for me. Please. Thats where this post originated from. Some girl who's phone number isn't even in my cell, deciding to feel bad for me. c) any other emotion, really. You guys know me. I'm consistent with my opinions. More than that, I'm really not mean. take it with a grain of salt, I'm part way joking, but mostly it's written with a serious tone--- with a slight undertone of a joke. real slight. Almost not even there.

I remember reading this book back in high school, excellent read--- but this post isn't about the book.

I was this post on that tumblr I love, and nearly flipped this morning. I finally felt like I could take this post out of the "drafts" a post it.

There is a part in the book where the main character is visiting her mother (who is in jail) and she give her this little pearl of advice:

Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space, the best you can do is know yourself, know what you want.

....and the people say, AMEN. JM&J! This is one of the most true statements I have ever heard. I don't fully understand what makes girls behave as they do, and I suppose that is the beauty of individuality, however, the type of girl this quote describes is the complete opposite of girl I think of myself to be. So, imagine my growing frustration/confusion with this kind of girls. Some famous examples?

Jessica Simpson. Marrys Nick Lachey. Leaves him, has a string of boyfriends who she smothers (Tony Romo, John Mayer) and in between her break ups processed to gain obvious "I hate myself because I'm single again" weight and is seen in all of the tabloids looking unhappy, sour, and pathetic. Where is her career? Example 2: Lindsey Lohan. Dates Samantha Ronson. She becomes a giant clinger, at all of Ronson's DJ-ing gigs, runs around in leggings and see through tank tops-- no bra. Loses more and more weight so she and Rosons can be twins, with Lohan in said leggings and Ronson is skinny jeans and giant tennis shoes. They break up, Lindsey embarrasses herself on her twitter and every other possible public venue. Restraining orders, more drunken coked up debacles... and all the while, she still can't work because she gave up her life and compromised herself for her relationship.

More?? Amy Winehouse (talented as hell, dates and marries "blake incarcerated" and is hooked on black tar heroin, crack rocks, booze. Is a dirty toothless, scab covered skeleton with a nappy weave and no career.) Usher (in this situation, he is the stupid bitch. not his soon to be ex wife. had a legit career, gets caught up with this old lady who is his stylist. Fires his mom, marries said old lady, gets her preg. TWICE. she has secret plastic surgery in another country and almost dies--- and now they are divorcing. And where, pray tell, is his career??) Jennifer Anniston (lost BRAD PITT to Angelina. That is awful. Please have the dignity to pick yourself up and stop dating people and being dumped over and over. and stop being Rachel from friends please, thanks.), Jennifer Lopez (takes another woman's husband-- and he is a loser, and her career is a joke because she only does his lame ass projects and he isn't relevant and neither is she.) I could go on and on, and unfortunately I could add to this list the majority of my friends.

I'm on no high horse, trust me. I've been this girl before involved in this type of BS shenanigans, letting my self worth and value in life be defined by the guy I'm with. That never goes well. I'd never do it again, and, I honestly feel bad for others who are in this situations. Mainly for the ones who don't know it-- actually, it could possibly be worse for girls/guys who DO know it (but thats a life lesson for another rainy day).

I had this conversation with a good friend, MO'C. She and I are cut from the same cloth. Nice girls, lots of girl friends, blah blah blah-- oh, and don't forget: the made-of-steel walls up guarding ourselves, specifically our hearts. Like myself, MO'C understands a fundamental truth about life. You only have yourself at the end of the day. Why would you lay down and become a doormat, on on-call ego stroke for some guy? Why would you be seen out with someone who is embarrassing/annoying/rude/degrading/insulting/ugly/ immature/cheats on you/boring/ignorant/out of shape/poorly dressed/poorly groomed/disrespectful/ doesn't like your friends/your friends don't like him/cheap/lazy/non committal/blurred family boundaries? If you want to feel like shit, treat yourself life shit. If you're lonely, go out in public, If you "just want someone there" go jump off a bridge. Girls who use relationships as the two feet they stand on make me angry. What does that say about girls who don't? is there something wrong with being single and self sufficient? This brings me to this: written on my wall some months ago.

What is that? Why is that 1)something you're concerned with, girl-I-wasn't-even-friends-with-in-high school? 2) why is it on my WALL? are you on Crack. do you not understand that if I didn't have a blackberry I wouldn't have seen that message for days because Who really uses the computer version of Facebook anymore, AMIRITE? (I am obsessed with that little mash-up phrase now!) Honestly, that wallposting alone was the starting point for my whole what the eff, girls feelings that I've been having. I swear.

Another friend who is the epitome of standing on her own two is RSJ. One thing I hate is when someone asks your advice, does the opposite, then runs back to you, wanting help cleaning up the mess. with RSJ its the complete opposite. This is usually how it goes:

RSJ: I'm thinking of doing [insert activity that may or may not be a good idea]

Me: ... I don't know, RSJ... this is probably a shitty idea because of x,y,z

RSJ: [later] well, I decided to do _______. It was a bad idea, dammit.

And we move on.

Accountability and commonsense goes a long way.

To round out this life-lesson/rant: I actually don't really care what anyone does with any guy or girl. At the end of the day, it isn't my problem or concern. What does sadden/enrage me is watching my friends go through life and have no clue of their own self worth or personal value. These are the kinds of girls who become women, married to the wrong guy-- the one she settled for. Popping out babies and living a shitty life where they continue to lose themselves in a guy.... But it doesn't really matter, because they didn't take the time to find out who they were in the first place.

Ok, Cyber hugs to you all. End Of Rant.