Still Breathing.

This is partially to blame for where I've been all semester. My new internship is incredible, but I have never worked harder. (Hard to believe after crawling in the woods last year.) The difference? I am wearing my new hat (and it's still so strange to say) of "Clinician." I have clients, and we do therapy, and I see a couple for counseling... and I work a shift at the psychiatric Emergency Room at NY Presbyterian Hospital (Cornell) every Friday afternoon. I absolutely love what I'm doing, but.... I'm tired. Because then, there is school... and like, the library.

Anyways, I just caught up on the blogs of SM, LMCW, Akili ,Mo'C, Bex & Grace..... and I tell you what, I miss you guys, and I miss my blog! So, we'll see if I can get back in the groove.

Blame it on the Alcohol.

I'm not sure how my chill evening turned to this. Like. How can 2 people put in this kind of work? I haven't been hung over like this since college. (Or NYE morning, after getting randomly shit faced with Morgs when SM was up here last December)
No. Bueno.
On a lighter note, Bud Light? You still go down like water. I still love you the most.


In other, loosely related news. My crush (my old boss from my job last year) is over. And not by my choice. *Note to readers*:
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up? Good sign!
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up to talk about the crush they have and how its progressing? Shit. Bad sign!
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up to talk about the crush they have and how its progressing and the girl is fucking hot and you can't even hate? Kiss of death.
Just some littler pearls.
Happy Halloween to all you gangsters.

Can't stop; won't stop.

"Can't stop; won't Stop." was my facebook "about me" for he better part of college. And like.... that just how I do.
I work too much, and too hard. I do too much in general. going out, raging, not sleeping, raging. raging. working. homeless people stuff. stress. raging....

OK. I've said it. It's difficult to admit because I didn't think it was a problem. Until literally it was a problem.

This was Wednesday Night, after 72 straight hours of a new-asshole-ripping migraine.

IV DRUGGGSSSS

Hospital over crowding means I had my entire ER visit in public. yup. in that chair.

At St. Luke's, getting my life together. Thank you to Morgs, K.Beau, SM, and pretty much everybody else that was like "go to the Doctor. fool."

So. I took the day off work (!!!) and forewent 3 concerts this week. Trying to be more balanced, sleep more, drink more (water.) and not be such a can't-stop-won't-stop warrior anymore.


also for you 2birdsoneblog lovers out there....:

Sorr about the bag.

Seaside Heights.

The Beach. So nice. Tony invited us down to New Jersey for a day at the beach, and that's major because I legit miss the beach.

Cutest little town ever, actually reminded me a lot of Isle of Palm (Charleston) where SM's family has a house that we went to the past 2 summers.

Tony is the best host ever, and had a cooler of sandwiches, beer, and probably other stuff (I don't think I ever looked) packed for our day. His 2 younger brothers (19 and 22 years old, I think, so not really young...) who are absolute peaches, were there as well, and so all in all it was the perfect beach day.

There I am. Not helping them get the umbrella set up, I'm just eating chex mix. So helpful, haha.

Sneakin beers in little paper cups....

The water was nothing short of abusive, this is after getting slapped around by NJ beach, looking out for tar balls from the Gulf coast...(not really...that would have sucked)

Could Tony be any more of a little Daddy? Seriously, love this boy...

Leaving the beach... sandy knees and hungry. haha

And we ended the trip with some ice cream from a little local place, me and my boy Tony with waffle cones. All in all, a wonderful trip and like, who knew New Jersey wasn't all shit holes (Newark) and trash cans? Every where I've been so far (Tonys home town, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights) has been divine. I think my dislike for New Jersey stems from one of my ex-boyfriends and is crazy sister. I mean, thinking about him now makes me wanna dry heave. They were from New Jersey, obviously from the worst part ever, so it's nice to make new, better memories of places, with new and better people in them!

Where you at?

Oh Heyyyy. There's SM and RSJ. There's SM and RSJ and "me." There's SM grabbing my invisible right tit b/c she's grabby like that. Besides the obvious.... I'm missing. And there is the theme of my blog this summer: Where the fuck you at, SeshInTheCity? Where the fuck you at?

From the way my blog looks, I'm dead. From the way my posts look, I'm miserable. But The truth is, my summer has been the shit so far and like.... this is New York (and Brooklyn, and Baltimore, and Jersey....) and I'm 24 and I am like.....in the prime of my life, so I've sucked at posting lately.

The plan: I'm gonna start posting again. And I wanna post all of the stuff from June because there were some sick ass weekends in there... so there will be some past and some present, and the usual fashion/music/other mess that I like to throw in there from time to time. So like.... if any one still reads this (preesh) I'm gonna post so much you're sick of me. So. What upppp I'm back.

Email Forwards.

I got this e-mail forward at work once. I really hate that sort of a thing...at my last just people in the office who I never even talked to would send me them. The ones that irked me where the scary ones like "little girl is dying, then God sent an Angel and she lived. Message: be an angel. Now send this to 10 of your friends." The fuck outta here. That shit is terrifying to me on some end-of-days, 2012 level of fear.
Anyways, at my current office there is a staff size of 13. 5 are women. I have next to nothing in common with these girls, but I always try...! So I get a forward from the admin. Assistant girl about how being a woman in the bathroom sucks. Because I don't have any other real way to engage with these girls. The least I can do is read an reply with the standard " LMAO. OMG, girl! All of that was SO true! :-)" so, I read the forward. It goes through this long (and decidedly not funny,) series of unfortunate events like the ever-so-scary; "there's not toilet paper in here" but the smart and savvy woman in the email had a "crumpled Kleenex" in her purse-- treat! Or how "squatting over the urine covered toilet is the only for of exercise of the day". There was a part in the email where the lady sees that the stall has no hook for her purse and so she is left with no choice. She puts the purse around her neck. I distinctly remember rolling my eyes about that. I mean.... It's just kind of really stupid....err.... And practical.
After seeing SATC2 with SM & Jcam in Durham, we went to the bathroom before we left. I check every stall and each of them looks like a Port-o-potty, which is alarming because last time I checked, the movie theater was an indoor facility. I thought I'd wandered into a music festival...or a construction site. Anyways, I find the most clean stall and you know proceed to go in. I notice there is no hook and I had the A-HA moment where I remembered the e-mail chain at work. So my genius ass puts the bag around my neck. Well. The momentum of the swinging bag (that, and me trying to take a picture of my bathroom antics) caused me to lose balance, pissing all over everything but the actual water in the toilet. Shamed to death, basically. Luckily there was enough toilet paper from every other trashy bitch who some how missed the bowl and threw theirs on the floor, that I felt no real guilt about the pee incident. (PS: no pee got on me). I guess those work forwards do have some merit after all....

My God Son, Cooper.

I FINALLY got to see my god son, Cooper after many months away. And, I must say... I am reconsidering my position on pet ownership. Like.... I don't really like animals like that. I appreciate them, and I get other peoples' obsession with their pets, but that's not really my thang. Cooper became my god son the old-fashioned way (mainly, I just decided he was and his momma, SM, agreed.). We spent a lot of the early days together (I'll call them, Cooper: brand new), back when he was sniffin crotches, buckin on other dogs, and knocking over children and women. I heard all about him when I was away, (during Cooper: Man on the run.) When he got locked up for 2 weeks for takin down some old lady when her yappy dog tried to step to Coops. So, seeing Cooper now, (lets call him Cooper: Mellow Man) He's just chillin, no barks, no bites, just a lot of love. Look how happy he was to see me in this picture! ( I took the snap too late to catch his winning smile) 

Anyways, a few things have changed. I'm not longer anti-pet dogs (happy?? K.beau??) and, I bow down to the pet-parenting skills of SM. For a while I agreed with her grandpa Clyde when he was like "leave cooper in the woods" hahahaha but now I'm glad she'll have him in NoLa.

Vegas: In 5 Pictures.

5 Pictures... because there are only like 12 (and that includes 2 of me eating lunchables at 5:00am)

What I wore: Vegas.

That's me, SM and RSJ in Vegas. I don't have many pictures from the trip, but I'll post the others as soon as I'm back to New York. I love these 3 pictures of us. Each night we went out our individual style was obvious, and our personalities are too! But we still make the best of friends and I'm so glad we've remained close after college.

Emails Files: Vegas Packing List.

Friday I am Vegas bound along with my 2 besties, SM and RSJ. We haven't all been together since November, which is kind of inappropriate. As is customary, before we go on a trip together, a packing list is mailed out so that you know, we're prepared. Usually what happens is that RSJ is always prepared with everything she needs (including all her toiletrees in this perfect pink carry-all. Duh. She's the responsible one. SM always manages to fit so much in to her bags or suitcases. Unfortunately it's always full of.... everything random. My favorite: the time we went to Asheville and all she had was various scarves. No tops. And me? I don't know what kind of packer I am... but I usually pack things I have no intention of wearing, and end up shopping for something else. Hence the need for the packing lists. I started the list and SM (who is an impeccable list maker) cleaned it up. The things in quotes were from my original list. She didn't really keep much of it, hahahaha. So, here it is. Are we missing anything?

Ok, let me refine Sesh's list she sent earlier for packing -- the weather looks like its going to be pretty warm!

Dresses for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night -- and maybe Monday -- like cocktail, flashy and fly (bring 4, or if you're me and indecisive, more)
Heels for every occasion -- "fucking tall HEELS"
Outfits for daytime -- sundresses, skirts, tops, etc etc -- 3 of those (Sat, Sun, Mon)
PJs
Hangover clothes for breakfast -- may also be pjs haha
"condoms, you sluts."
all meds/birth control + advil/tylenol
bathing suits.... for hangin by the pool and stuff
bathing suit cover + flipflops for the pool
light jacket for layering just in case
a pair or two of tights just in case it gets a little chilly at night
leggings..? (maybe just for me -- I bought some snakeskin ones I HAVE to wear!)
daytime shoes -- flats, sandals
panties/thongs -- bras/strapless?
contacts/contact solution (Sesh)
bobbypins/hair ties
fucking GLITTER (jk on that one haha)
cell phone
clutches for night
iPod -- and our rooms should have an iHome player in the room (according the website)
mini-bottles for the plane
daytime purse/bag
Sunglasses
flat iron, blow dryer
shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, razor, tweezers, hairspray (packed in your checked bag)
jewelery/whatever accessories
cell charger
camera
camera charger
laptop and moleskin (Sesh'll bring)
PHOTO ID!
debit card, cash, credit card (i feel like we're gonna need all 3 on this one...but it will be worth it.)

Vegas or Bust.

Tomorrow is March 1st. I seriously cannot believe it. My spring semester ends on April 3oth and I will have 4 glorious months off school (granted, I'll be working those months, but whatever, it will be summer in New York!)

Before I rush to the excitement of summer, I gotta make it through midterms. That's what stands between me and my Spring Break which will be spent, in part, in Vegas with my wonderful dolls, SM ans RSJ.

My to do list is uncomfortably long and my motivation is freakishly low. Not a good combination... So I am suspending my going-out privileges until Vegas. Every moment I have free is going to be dedicated to getting all this shit done so I can enjoy SB2010!


In case you care: Vegas 2/12-3/16
No. Carolina: 3/16-3/21



image found here

What I Wore. The Weekend.

Saturday Night:
Boyfriend Blazer: H&M
Scarf: DC street vendor
Tee: Lilac Lotus
Motorcycle pants: H&M
Booties: Diba
Friday Night:
Velvet thing: Old Navy
Tank: C&C
Jeggings: Target
Boots: Michael Kors


A little lazy this week with the pictures. These are off of my blackberry (obv) and were really intended for my mom, since she still helps me get dressed, even from afar.
So, I have pretty much regressed from first semester. All of the exciting colors and patterns I was slowly adopting seem like a thing of the past. I still totally appreciate color, and want to better utilize it.... but, I have been a fan of neutrals (especially black) since the beginning of time. It doesn't help that New York is a) dirty b) everyone wears black. It was inevitable.

My personal style is still lacking any concrete definition. I think it's mostly classic with a safe amount of trend... I realy enjoy fashion and clothes, I remember having a subscription to W in 2002 when all of my friends were getting Seventeen, Teen, & Cosmo (for them freaky girls...SM hahahaha). So it's sort of weird that I don't know what the hell I wear. I suppose thats why I like documenting the outfits. Makes me consider it a little more, and, it's kind of fun.

One one last note: I've recently gotten comfortable with the idea of accessories. (crazy, right?) I'm looking forward to trying out cocktail rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings that stray away from my basic sterling rings and necklace. So I guess it's give and take. What I lost in color/pattern exploration, I've gained in accessorizing.

...You Know That I'm No Good...

Maybe the blame should be on our reality-TV show culture, but, sometimes I've got personal background music running.

SM first made me aware of this 'Theme Song' Phenomena when she told me how on her trips to work and on the job she be walking and Rick Ross 'Everyday I'm husslin' was playing. (Excellent choice, might I add.)

My everyday song is Plies, 'I god plenty money' ironically I do not, in fact, have plenty money. I have GOV'T LOAN money... So my theme is a little hyperbolic, but I digress.

Interesting lil caveat: since Wednesday, my theme music has switched to Amy Winehouse, oldie-but-goodie, 'You Know I'm No Good'

Did you know that if someone asks you something, and you choose to neither confirm, nor deny it, it usually becomes true to the person who inquired? In case you didn't know that...it does.

Since I've been back, my dear banker has inquired, rather roundly, about a certain Med Student. In my mind, if no real question is asked, no real answer is warranted.

real questions:

"did you see Med School over the break?" or

"Do you want to date Med School?"

round questions:

"I know when you graduate you're heading back to NC to marry Med School" or

"I guess a doctor is better than a banker... But there's no way he's got more swagger than me."

Now, in the bankers defense, out of context those round questions are a little awkward. In real time, those "questions" delivered as jokes or 'playing around' need no answer.

The funny thing is, for all intents and purposes, Med School, (the person, not the institution) doesn't really mean anything to me. However, the banker has never asked a direct question about it. Instead he just tosses out statements, for self-preservation, obviously, to which my only answer is

"where did you get that from?"

Am I intentionally gaming him? Absolutely not. I turned in my jersey when I left Raleigh. More or Less. I do enjoy an All-Star weekend game, or a round of pick-up from time to time.... That's beside the point. Thing is, the Banker is good. And he's really good almost all the time. Me? I'm good, but the kind with the asterisk beside it, and then the list of all the exceptions are at the bottom. Hahaha.

At the end of the day, round questions or direct questions will all get clear answers. However, today is not when that day ends...

Like most things, this could end terribly. I have a feeling it will all be just fine.

It's Time to Talk About the Banker.

I'm going to try to divulge a little more here now in 2010. I get e-mails from yall asking questions about things I've posted and I wonder to myself, "why didn't I just explain that shit in the post"

Because of the aforementioned trend, I figured it's time to address the whole deal with the Banker. I can't really give a play by play because I'd be exhausted and you'd be annoyed... but the condensed version:

The banker is a great guy, with a couple carry-on sized bags of luggage. Me? I'm a dope chick.... I'm carrying a couple trunks. Oh well, that's life blah blah. Add in a sprinkle of bad timing, a dash of self-sabatoge, a pinch of too-many-outside-opinions, all mixed up in a Cool Hand Luke- sized "failure to communicate" and you pretty much can paint the picture.

All of that happened in 2009, and you know, eff that year, it's 2010 bitches! So I figure instead of going backwards, why not start with a little disclosure on the current state of affairs:

A lesson from boss bitch 101-- keep it movin.
If it's done it's done, when you're resolved, you're resolved. My old self (pre- New York) was cold-blooded in how I played the game.... I mean like, No phone-number-storing, ignore-you-all-night, never-respond-to-your-text, kick-you-out-cuz-this-bitch-don't-cuddle, forget-your-face-I-swear-I- will, type of stuff. So when I cut things off with the Banker right before finals because in Old Self's mind I was gonna go home for break, get over him in 10 days, then come back here, newly iceboxed and ready to continue in my don't love them, please leave them way of life. Well, let me just say. I have dug down real deep. I mean... real deep. And I can barely find even a hint of the Bad Bitch that used to live inside. Where is she? I don't know. But instead of taking a minute to evaluate the situation, I just figured If I can feign Boss mindset, the soon it will come back.

I could maintain the boss attitude for a little while. Like, I'd be spouting off to my girls, detailing how I'm "icing this muhfugga out all week" or how I'm "on to the next one" or how "I deleted ALLLLLL his shit." you know.... standard boss talk.....But what would I ALSO do?? creep on the down low. text, calls, emails, still all "boo's & babe"..... Pretty much fail.

I can't exactly quit. I just cannot walk away with my middle finger in the air. And I (was) completely baffled.

I mean, when it comes down to it, what I really think is that something is very different with my banker-friend and I. The big thing is that I true life care about the kid. And to be honest, that's a lot harder than not giving a fuck. Unfortunately "Sorry, I actually like you" isn't really an appropriate or coherent way to break things off with someone. Idk if y'all knew that or not....

This leads me to my 2nd 2010 resolution: Try a little.

Seems a bit vague, but I know what it means. for one-- it would be cool to take a risk or two, you know, with the feelings. Try and at least find a door for which someone could enter, if I can't completely lower the guard.... right? Really, the bankers best friend called me a couple nights ago and pretty much staged a one man intervention. Very intense, but it was sort of a good thing.

I was talking to a fellow Boss, Bateman. We often commiserate in the rediculousness of how a year ago thoughts/feelings/behaviors would have never even crossed our minds. This past week we swapped advice on everything from date outfits, to how to be less aloof. The best, by far was when we both admitted to trying on our respective man-friend's last names (hyphenated, of course). I mean, whatever, no biggie in real life.... but a biggie for a Boss.

Boss Bitch mentality? As K.Beau would say "great idea in theory, bad idea in practice." I don't want to be an Icebox anymore. but I don't want to be a stupid girl either. What I do know is that maybe I'll have to evolve, and evolution takes a lot of time. And a lot of the fittest just figuring out how to survive....

baby steps, y'all.

New Years Eve-- in 5 shots.

1) Don't kill me, SM.... just keepin it real. no make up! hair rollers!

2) standard pose you *have* to make. Kidding. No, seriously.
3) we we're ready to leave. And semi-on time....
4) Not really on full party mode yet.
5) No more than 10 minutes later.





fill in the blanks.
Happy 2010.

Back Logging....

Much like my darling bestie, SM... I've got a list of drafted blog entrees that keeps growing. I really want to get them all finished and posted so I can start 2010 off being a less shitty blogger. so.... enjoy.

ink.

Little known fact: I have 4 tattoos and 10 piercings. I love em. I really freakin love tattoos and piercings (this is like a AA/NA announcement, hahaha)
I got my first tattoo right after I tuned 18, and the other 3 followed over the next 5 years. The last one I got with SM sometime before I moved. Point is... I'm getting that itch again. I just really wanna get inked on or pierced. real bad. Truth is, I'm way too old for any other piercings. I mean, my nose stud is staying in forever, obv, but what am I gonna do? get my eyebrow or lip done? at 23? bitch, please. I have some space on my left ear... but maybe shouldn't OD.

So, I'm planning the next tattoo, probably gonna get it done on the LES with SM and Morgs after New Years eve.... or maybe I'll let my buddies over at Glenn's do me again. I don't wanna cheat on them--loyalty is a big deal!

here are some tattoos that caught my eye off of this kid's dope ass photo-blog.






images via Yvan Rodic

Shoes.

I love shoes. Always have always will. This year I added some dope pairs that I bought for weddings or other occasions. These ones I got for New Years Eve which I'll be spending in New York with my girl Morgs and some of her hometown (Charlotte, NC) friends. Even better, SM my wifey is coming up too! We're going to push the limit of how hard we can rage and are going to a downtown club called M2. should be insane.

shoe: Calvin Klein--- 4 1/2 in heel, 1/2 platform. nutttt.

My night in tweets.

SM, Akili and myself die most morning after one of us has had a nice out. The tweets are more indicative than any picture sometimes. So, as I lay here in my geriatric hangover, I thought about the time line and progression of the night and duh I went to twitter to fill the holes.

So: last night my brother and my play-brother (patrick, my bro's Best friend) go out with my girl K.Beau. Things got randomly rowdy fast.

Omg I just remember eating Koronet jumbo slice at 4am. Fack.


Tweets:

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 12:38a

Wasted. Pourin one out for section 8

sent via UberTwitter

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 12:49a

White boy wasted. I am torn.

sent via UberTwitter

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 12:59a

Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots

sent via UberTwitter

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 1:22a

I'm tryin to hear some bangers!

sent via UberTwitter

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 1:49a

F my lifeeeeeee shots shots shots http://tweetphoto.com/6720575

sent via UberTwitter


From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 2:00a

This is my life @kristenbeau http://tweetphoto.com/6721160

sent via UberTwitter

From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 2:39a

Blaxkout or backout Sunccckkaaaaa

sent via UberTwitter


From: @seshmoney
Sent: Dec 19, 2009 2:48a

But will you RiDE?!?!

sent via UberTwitter

----- by all means, look at the twitpics. Hahaha right now I don't know what's worse. The fact that I'm blogging about being old and so hung over that my sinus hurts.... Or the fact that I ride this hard for twitter. This could be a double K.O fail.

**google section 8. The whole program is frozen because of budget cuts as of yesterday. Uh--many of my clients at my internship NEED Sect. 8....so one had to poured out**

But will you RIDE?

Life moves very quickly. This time last year I just dumped one absolute retard, in hopes of dating another, working 40 hours a week, living in Durham, and barely working on my graduate applications. Jumping back to where I am now--- while the only real changes have been location (as I work more that 40 hours now, and am still in the same dating shenanigans as I was before, gah.) I am so happy for the few constants I have in my life-- and one of those are my friends.

Every girl doesn't get to have ride-or-die girl friends. Allow me to define for those of you who didn't listen to The Lox in middle school.

Ride-or-Die: the kind of girl friend that's going to hold you the eff down. regardless of the situation. She'll tell you when you're right... and also when your ass is wrong. She will tell you if your outfit is skanky, or if you look a little thick with it--- and she's also the first to tell you how fly you really are.

She'll tell you the stuff you don't want to hear: like you're boyfriend isn't good enough for you, or that you need to stop sloming on the weekends. She'll also tell you when to get your head out of your ass when it's a good guy you're trying to game.

She'll spend a whole hangover sunday with you, watching The Game or Girlfriends on BET (hahahah SM and Morgs).

She takes your phone call after hours, and would skip work or school for you. She has your back when you don't have your own. She'll dislike someone for no reason other than the fact that they hurt her home girl. When your family isn't on the same page, your R-or-D friend is.

and. a true ride-or-die best girl friend will fight.

hahaha this made my laugh out loud because this reminds me of my relationship with SM, RSJ all my girls at CUSSW and at NCSU.

I remember a night out in Atlanta with SM and RSJ. We arrived to a local bar and these chicks were muggin and it was pretty clear that SM (the usual instigator) was going to mug back. Indeed, she did. Me and another girl (read: not ride or die) was there, and RSJ was at the other side of the bar.

I see SM getting ready to Knuck and promptly tell her that of course, I'll hold her down. SM and I look to "the other girl" and asked her, very simply:

"are you down to ride?"

her answer?

"ride where?"

No. "other girl" was not ride-or-die.


Another night, at Olivia's going away party in Raleigh. Some freakin fail of a guy was talking reckless to Charlotte.... and before we knew it. This table of 9 real smart class girls flipped the damn script. Everyone (except the always, even, enigmatic, RSJ who calmly reminded us "if you guys ignore him, he'll stop" hahahaha ) starts to literally rip this guy to shreds. SM, myself, Charlotte, Penny, Hannah B, and maybe a couple others somehow continue this shit this guy started. Proceed to get him thrown out and people were telling us how sorry they were for HIS behavior. (in hindsight.... I imagine we were way worse than him....but fuck it. you mess with one, you mess with all...)

Now, while I don't think fighting a la "Bad Girls Club" is anything to aspire to, I do completely understand that mentality. I love it when I BBM Morgs or K.Beau and am like "Ya'll I'm about to die, x,y,& z is happening." the first question is always "...do we need to squad up?" or, if you're Morgs ".... bitch I might be..." haha this shit makes me laugh now.

Thing is, it seems it's better to have a tight knit circle of girls who would hold you down regardless, as opposed to standing there looking to your left when it goes down because you don't have anybody to clique up with.