Blame it on the Alcohol.

I'm not sure how my chill evening turned to this. Like. How can 2 people put in this kind of work? I haven't been hung over like this since college. (Or NYE morning, after getting randomly shit faced with Morgs when SM was up here last December)
No. Bueno.
On a lighter note, Bud Light? You still go down like water. I still love you the most.


In other, loosely related news. My crush (my old boss from my job last year) is over. And not by my choice. *Note to readers*:
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up? Good sign!
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up to talk about the crush they have and how its progressing? Shit. Bad sign!
When they BBM you to make plans to meet up to talk about the crush they have and how its progressing and the girl is fucking hot and you can't even hate? Kiss of death.
Just some littler pearls.
Happy Halloween to all you gangsters.

90 Day Evaluation Plan.

My friend T, started posting this today on twitter, and my co-worker and I discussed it. I planned to go back and get them all, but, just like a smart girl would, T compiled the list and sent it as a note on facebook.


The 90-Day evaluation Plan..... provocative because I am assuming most of us (girls and boys) use some sort of assessment measure to decide how and where a new relationship is going. So, I'm posting The Plan according to T.... and, as always, thoughts?

Behold, I have developed a 90 day evaluation plan for new relationships designed to stop singles from wasting their damn time. Here's how it works... First, you need to decide when to start the 90 days. I start it from the first day that interest beyond a platonic friendship is expressed. Others can decide to start when they gain at a title. I just don't have time for all that extra.

There are 15 areas up for evaluation. You can remove those that don't apply to you and add those that do if you wish. You want to score someone from 1-10 on each area. I personally like to add everything up and get the average of all 15. If someone is under 85% then they get the boot. Others might want to just look at where their mate falls under each category and talk about ways to improve the relationship. But I'm a bitch so I'm not with the second chances.

The most important thing for me is that the person doesn't know that they are being evaluated. You can't be like "oh, this date isn't quality and scribble it down". Just let things flow and press pause at 90 days and figure out if its worth continuing. Also, don't be evaluating your mate but not pulling your weight in the new relationship. You can't ask for what you don't give. That's all my friends. Here are the area with a brief description:

1. Quality of conversation: Can you explore different issues that are important to both parties? Does the conversation stay the same? Can this person communicate?

2. Quality of dates: Are you going on a variety of dates to locations that you enjoy? Are you learning about your partner through said dates? Do both parties take an equal role in planning for dates?

3. Sense of Humor: This isn't just about if the person is funny but do they know when and how to be funny? Personally, if I don't pee my pants in the first 90 days, you gots to go.

4. Intelligence: no dummies... I mean CLEARLY! Can they articulate a proper thought? Are they well rounded in their intellect? Do you DIE when you read all the typos in their text messages?

5. Spirituality: How do your belief systems line up? How comfortable are you that they aren't going DIRECTLY to hell?

6. Outward Appearance: How physically attracted are you to this person? Is their style compatible to yours? Are you afraid to bring them to Sunday dinner? Ya'll know my family will CLOWN me for bring the hunchback of Notre Dame home...

7. Friendship Groups: How well do you get along with his/her friends? Birds of a feather... Is his/her flock lame? Then so is (s)he...

8. Family Connections: Does (s)he have a good relationship with his/her family? Extreme Mama's Boys or Daddy's Girls? Have you met the family?

9. Sexual Chemistry: Let's just be real serious, real quick- if it aint right, it aint right. Be real with yourself. Its supposed to get better NOT worse...

10. Spontaneity: Are things predictable in a boring way or can you switch it up?

11. Physical Affection: are you getting what you need physically OUTSIDE of the bedroom? Do your needs match with their capabilities?

12. Tokens of Affection: PRESENTS!!! Small gifts, cards, flowers... all are appreciated. I'm going to need for you to be giving and getting them. How thoughtful are they?

13. Ease of Relationship: How hard are you trying? In the first 90 days, you shouldn't have to kill yourself to make it work.

14. Conflict Resolution Skills: Can they effectively resolve issues without resorting to counterproductive tactics?

15. Your Instincts/Trust: what is your gut telling you? Was (s)he at a friend's house or running the streets when the phone was mysteriously off? I'm just saying...

Bitch Re-certification.

If you were living under a rock between summer 07 and graduation c/o 08 from NCSU, then that's the only reason I can fathom as to why you wouldn't know this book. At one point or another my girls and I have all been cornered by the other and told to "think like a BITCH!" In moments of dummy weakness when it comes to playing the game. My biggest fault is that I speak bitch (better than I speak English, to be honest) in every situation except for in relationships. (Also, let's remember, I don't date.)

The last 2-3 weeks have made for an eerie junior highschool-esque experience for me and a certain new male friend who I'd love to name or nick name but won't.....yet.

The days of sluttin and trickin are left on Genwood ave., PB's & EV's porches. Its time in my life, I'm 24 for chrissake, to try this crazy thing people call dating. So... I'm revisiting the original, gold standard "Why Men Marry Bitches" and will keep y'all posted on what I'm learning. Knowledge is Power, y'all...


Thanks, SM for demanding that I re-read this, instead of acting like a dickhead.



33M4ZV4AAHEZ

Favorite Married Friends.

So, I have been wanting to post about my Favorite Married Friends DW&CDW for a while... but every time I start one it turns in to a fucking creepy tribute like they are dead and being immortalized on my blog. They aren't dead and like... I didn't like how I was writing about them so I kept deleting them. However, today after having the BBM chat (thats listed below) with CDW i thought, "this is the kinda DW&CDW shennanigans thats gonna earn them a label in SeshintheCity. (I don't know if yall knew... but like, being a "label" is a HUGE deal... so.... #justsayin... kidding. sort of.)

A little back story: The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-CD married DW in November and became CDW. and I am only mildly obsessed with them. For them to be married and young and not annoying and corny and fucking whack and never go out or do anything fun is awesome. Like, I have had some of my hardest rages in life with those two. Also, like... DW is sort of a wild man, and CDW is a wild chick, but in a low-key way, so they are a perfect balance. And I appreciate that because I hate people who get married (or really who get into relationships for that matter) and turn into douche bag losers, up each others cracks all day. Whoa, I just got on an unintended mini rant, but I guess that's just a reflection of how much they don't suck??


But, I digress. Anyways... my little chat with CDW just made me miss my favorite married friends and NC as a whole.

Back to my studies.... *dead*

Participants:
-------------
Sesh , CDW
Messages:
---------
CDW: =))
CDW I'm going through my closet spring cleaning and I'm trying on all these old sweaters from YEARS ago and DW is totally laughing at them and said he wished [you] [were] here to see these things and laugh at me with him
CDW: Sesh...
Sesh: Hahahahahahah CDW! Heyyy
Sesh: Send me pictures hahaha hahaha
CDW: That's what he said but I wouldn't let him. I said we could post them on your blog as "what Sesh's NOT wearing"
Sesh : Hahahahahahahaaha you guys are my fav
CDW: You too Sesh!

Rope-A-Dope

Rope-A-Dope-- refers to a boxing technique made famous by M. Ali. The idea is that he would get into a defensive stance and let's his opponent beat him up. The opponent would think he was winning because of all the landed hits. Meanwhile Ali is posted up, waiting for the other guy to get tired, then he comes off the ropes, K.O's the other guy and its a rap.

I like that idea and it's an applicable like approach as well. However, in this situation...I'm the fucking other guy...and I got Ali-ed.

My sister E met a boy in January. This was delightful to me because I figured once she was occupied and entertained the focus on my unconventional 'relationship' with the banker would no longer be in the spot light.

So she sends me a BBM in the class we have together: 'what are you doing Friday at 9'

Side bar: the correct way to answer this question is "why?" If you're like me and say "mmm...nada, what's up" you are already saying yes to whatever the plan is. See how I don't have any defenses up? See how my ass is just runnin around the ring all willy-nilly like I don't need to protect my face!

Ok, so she then asks me if I'll go bowling at the spot in Harlem. She explains that her new boo is bringing his buddy from college and he asked E to bring a friend too. She then explained that she really wanted me to get to know her lil boo better and it was gonna mean a lot to her if I went.

So, I say yes because I am dumb and because I love E. I make it very clear that I want the guy-friend to know that I am there as E's sister. Not as nobody's date. I don't go on dates like that. And, if I did? Trust. It wouldn't be a blind one to go bowling.

So the Friday night rolls around and we head to the spot. I'm not sure what to wear because E keeps insisting it's 'totally casual. Real chill'. So I put on a black v-neck tee. Skinny jeans, my fucking Nikes... And for good measure I put on a nicer cardigan and, like real make-up. E is wearing like, boots, and a nice coat and like, I'm thinking, whatever....this is HER date. I'm here to like.... Bowl.

Went we get there I see E's boo and he explains that his friend... Is in the bathroom. we'll call my date "Elliott"

When Elliott does appear I do the mental filing that every person on earth does when they meet someone of the opposite sex:
My thoughts went like this---
'Hum...tall, nice clothes. Not that hot. Sort of not fit. Probably very nice. I def. Could never date him.... I don't wanna even bang it out.... Category: after tonight I'll never see this kid again.'

Seems shallow, but act like that's now how it really happens.

I am immediately played when I meet him. He says something to effect of "it isn't often I get to take beautiful girls out... Of course its on me."

What.

This is a 'taking me out' why the fucckkkk is this a date?

This bowling alley was the kind of place that had a full bar in it. E and I go and buy the first round. So all 4 of us re having a beer, getting ready to bowl and Elliott and I start making small talk. As I we chat I realize a few things. 1- He has a great personality. 2- He isn't "ugly". He's more teddy bear cute. 3- I am on a date. Personality is my kryptonite. I am a sucker for a good vibe. I'm also a natural born flirt and, contrary to popular belief, I am really freakin nice.... so it pretty clear how this is going to go down.

To quicken this story I'll hit up the highlights:

- I start drinking like a fish because Elliott is stressing me out. For ever compliment he dished, cheap feel he copped, and follow-up date he arranged, I drank. So much that after the 2 hour bowling session I'd had 7-8 beers. The boys? they had 1. E? she had 3.

- So now I'm that drunk girl, talkin shit, getting belig. Cussing every time I roll a gutter ball, talking shit to Elliott and E's date, etc.

- Elliott make a bet that if I out score him, he picks our next date, and if he outscores me, I pick it. my response is "well. I guess I respect your hustle, Elliott." What.

- He keeps on getting hugs and has me sit on his knee like I'm some kind of child. I don't sit on nobody's knee and all that close talking is weird.

- He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say "no....but I'm not single either." I pulled the Eyrkah Badu Next Life Time intro move "... you know, I'm in a situation...." He responds that he is up for the challenge. In life if he sees something he likes, He'll go after it. And he is more than ready to make my #1 disappear. What.

-When we leave bowling he is walking with me in the street. I am trying to BBM my friends/ text the banker a fast as possible. he then HOLDS MY HAND AND PUTS IT INSIDE OF HIS COAT POCKET FOR WARMTH. I want to puke all over him at this point. a) you're trying to keep me from texting. Yes is rude, but you don't need to be trying to regulate my behavior, guy. b) you're holding my hand inside your pocket and it's gross.

- We get to this bar and E realizes she left her tab open at the bowling alley. So she and her boo go back to get it. And I am just there, drunk.

- As I mentioned before, he has a good personality. So, I tell him I'm really hungry, since I drank my dinner at the bowling alley. We go to his car and head to the IHOP in Harlem.

- On the way he keeps referring to me as "his perfect Clair Huxtable." what. That is fucking weird. You don't know me.

- He keeps making references to me as his future wifey. "...lets say, you and I get married...." And he keeps pouring compliments on me. All I can think is "this wasn't supposed to be a date."

- He was weird about food. I order a fat Omelet and he gets pancakes. He doesn't use the butter and he askes for sugar-free syrup. Not a problem at all.... but he kept like talking about it. Things like "I've been back in the gym lately" or "if you and I have kids, we'll have to make sure they are active in sports because their daddy has big genes." whyyyy.

The end of the night:

We leave IHOP after a good conversation, and a part of me is sorry that I can't/won't date this kid. A small, small part.

He tells me that he'd like to take me out again on Feb. 19th. Somewhere downtown for jazz, and he let me know upfront that he was comfortable being #2 right now and that he was working for the #1 spot. That made my skin crawl. I felt like Carrie in the episode when she and Miranda are trying on ugly wedding dresses, and because Carrie doesn't really want to marry Aiden she has the aaa (acute anxiety attack) and has to rip the dress off. I NEVER confirmed these dates. I NEVER did anything to make him think I was in to him. I treated him like I treat all my platonic relationships. I swear.

We get to my house and I tell him good night. He insists on walking me to my door. I am dying. At the door he starts in on the speech about how great the night was, etc. I give him some awkward hug and try to slip in my door. He has my arm and pull me back. DIE.

He gives me a kiss on the cheek and I return it. I don't even know why. Then he goes for ANOTHER kiss on the cheek-fake-out and tried to fucking kiss me. Here's where shit gets real.

I PUT MY HAND OUT TO HALT HIM. (read: sp awkward and unpleasant for everyone.) and I am visible shaking my hand and I may or may not have been hand gesturing to him as well. Here is me: "No, no, no, no, no. No, Elliott. No. No." Really, Sesh? Like.... seriously?

He then proceeds to beg me. Yup. Shameless begging " Please.... Please, just one Kiss? Please."

Me: (more hand gestures) No Elliott. No..... but, I had a great night, drive home safe!" POOF: I disappear into my building feeling all icky and sick.

Then the texts, and calls begin. I find out that this "date" on the 19th is actually his birthday. Who asks a stranger who isn't that into you to be the birthday date? I spend most of the week ignoring the calls and responding to the text as seldom as possible. It gets worse when I find out from E that Elliot told E's boy that he felt like we had a major connection and really clicked. What. What. Whatttttt is this!?

"Elliott, No." Is the new punchline between me, my sister and my Mom. It's the 2010 version of "Scotty, Don't" that SM and RSJ coined in 2007.

Thing is, I don't know how to get out of the date on the 19th. Yea, thats on Friday. I don't want to be a bitch, but I am not going. I like, cannot go. I feel so bad that my drunk ass somehow made this boy feel like he'd met his future wife. Even worse.... if he didn't lay it on so thick and scare me so much we could have at least been friends. my best guy friend Karl is going to be in town on the 19th, so I'm hoping I can somehow use that as a valid get-out-of-date-free card.

In this scenario, I am the dope. All night I thought I was runnin things. And end the end I got knocked the fuck out.

Settling for Mr. Good Enough....?

So I've seen this book reviewed in a couple of places, but last night Kim sent me this link. I have read it twice and still mulling over my thoughts... Basically the author is saying that many women are still single because they have a standard that is set too high, and expectations that are unfair/unattainable. Ok, valid. A lot of girls want a top 10-- but this lady is saying that many girls are passing over great guys because they aren't bothering to look at the 6's and 7's. I'm not talking about looks specifically, I mean the total package, ps.

When I read over the list, I thought about the fact that I am *guilty* of most of these. Like, for example, I don't know that I think my options are unlimited, but as my wise Aunt Lois said "if one won't, another one will." And I fully agree with that. I personally do feel like i deserve a good guy, not some guy I'm settling for because I can't find a guy who acts right. I mean, say you meet a guy who is an over all 6. I just don't understand why he has to be considered as a potential partner. Oh, that's right. I'm judgmental (apparently another 'mistake' of the single lady.) judgment gets a shitty reputation. And I'm not even gonna use the typical "I'm not judgmental, I just know what I like" excuse. Thing about it is that everyone is judgmental. We spend every second of the day making snap judgments, from deciding if we can really afford to sleep another 10 minutes, to scarf-or-no-scarf, cook-or-takeout, etc. Just like these snap decisions, I think most girls have an initial gut reaction when they meet new boys. I have NEVER come away from a meeting and not know what category they fall into. I think this author is saying that holding fast to too high standards and having all these deal breakers sets girls up to lose. Sure, it's possible. But I just think that every girl deserves to be happy and get exactly what she wants (Whoops, there I go, being all 'entitled').

Overall, I'm not sure why I have a problem with this book.... I'll mull it over and see what I can figure out. Check out the 7 Mistakes Single Girls Make below.... what do you think?

"If you've working and you’re wondering why you haven’t met Mr. Right yet, think about looking for the qualities that are important. You can find someone you’ll be really happy with and fall totally in love with. These guys are all around you but you’re not giving them a chance. You could be passing up tons of Mr. Rights. And you’re going out with all the Mr. Wrongs. It’s less about what you wear or do on a date than it is about having healthier standards. You can still have the fairy tale, but it will look different from what the media portrays as the fairy tale.…The same unrealistic expectations we have about dating, we have about marriage, too. Married people have said that this book makes them appreciate their husbands more.” - The Author

Here’s what many single women do that we might want to reconsider:

1. We feel entitled.
Gottlieb: “Women try to be good friends to each other. We say, ‘You deserve this, you’re so great! You’re such a good catch! Any man would be lucky!’ [Men don’t say that to each other.] We are good catches, but we also are human and we’re not perfect and somebody’s going to have to put up with us for the rest of his life. And we forget. My dating coach said, write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. At first I didn’t think I had that many things, because you think you’re a pretty good catch. He said, what you think of as quirky, endearing, and cute, is really annoying to someone else. But he would love you so much that he would overlook that. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.”

2. We think we have unlimited options.
Gottlieb: “You walk into a store and you know you want a sweater and it has to go with this outfit and it has to be this color, and you’d like to be on sale. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect sweater—was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or sweaters…if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking, who wouldn’t?”

3. We’re judgmental.
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with—but that person may not seem to the outside world to be as appealing in superficial ways—maybe she’s not as accomplished or funny as the last girl. Whatever he sees in her, he does. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”

4. We’re pickier than men.
Gottlieb: “With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, sports nut), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Madonna, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.”

5. We go for the alpha males.
Gottlieb: “In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type A, driven people, like in NYC and L.A., with the entertainment business and Wall Street…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. They will be just as picky in a bad and unhealthy way. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute—maybe one guy is a little bit shorter, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”

6. We think, “I love me more.”
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one and you go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more,’ [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)] well, a relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. Women take Samantha’s message as really empowering. If you don’t want to be alone—maybe Samantha does—that’s a dangerous message.”

7. We think he needs to share every interest.
Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?”

...You Know That I'm No Good...

Maybe the blame should be on our reality-TV show culture, but, sometimes I've got personal background music running.

SM first made me aware of this 'Theme Song' Phenomena when she told me how on her trips to work and on the job she be walking and Rick Ross 'Everyday I'm husslin' was playing. (Excellent choice, might I add.)

My everyday song is Plies, 'I god plenty money' ironically I do not, in fact, have plenty money. I have GOV'T LOAN money... So my theme is a little hyperbolic, but I digress.

Interesting lil caveat: since Wednesday, my theme music has switched to Amy Winehouse, oldie-but-goodie, 'You Know I'm No Good'

Did you know that if someone asks you something, and you choose to neither confirm, nor deny it, it usually becomes true to the person who inquired? In case you didn't know that...it does.

Since I've been back, my dear banker has inquired, rather roundly, about a certain Med Student. In my mind, if no real question is asked, no real answer is warranted.

real questions:

"did you see Med School over the break?" or

"Do you want to date Med School?"

round questions:

"I know when you graduate you're heading back to NC to marry Med School" or

"I guess a doctor is better than a banker... But there's no way he's got more swagger than me."

Now, in the bankers defense, out of context those round questions are a little awkward. In real time, those "questions" delivered as jokes or 'playing around' need no answer.

The funny thing is, for all intents and purposes, Med School, (the person, not the institution) doesn't really mean anything to me. However, the banker has never asked a direct question about it. Instead he just tosses out statements, for self-preservation, obviously, to which my only answer is

"where did you get that from?"

Am I intentionally gaming him? Absolutely not. I turned in my jersey when I left Raleigh. More or Less. I do enjoy an All-Star weekend game, or a round of pick-up from time to time.... That's beside the point. Thing is, the Banker is good. And he's really good almost all the time. Me? I'm good, but the kind with the asterisk beside it, and then the list of all the exceptions are at the bottom. Hahaha.

At the end of the day, round questions or direct questions will all get clear answers. However, today is not when that day ends...

Like most things, this could end terribly. I have a feeling it will all be just fine.

It's Time to Talk About the Banker.

I'm going to try to divulge a little more here now in 2010. I get e-mails from yall asking questions about things I've posted and I wonder to myself, "why didn't I just explain that shit in the post"

Because of the aforementioned trend, I figured it's time to address the whole deal with the Banker. I can't really give a play by play because I'd be exhausted and you'd be annoyed... but the condensed version:

The banker is a great guy, with a couple carry-on sized bags of luggage. Me? I'm a dope chick.... I'm carrying a couple trunks. Oh well, that's life blah blah. Add in a sprinkle of bad timing, a dash of self-sabatoge, a pinch of too-many-outside-opinions, all mixed up in a Cool Hand Luke- sized "failure to communicate" and you pretty much can paint the picture.

All of that happened in 2009, and you know, eff that year, it's 2010 bitches! So I figure instead of going backwards, why not start with a little disclosure on the current state of affairs:

A lesson from boss bitch 101-- keep it movin.
If it's done it's done, when you're resolved, you're resolved. My old self (pre- New York) was cold-blooded in how I played the game.... I mean like, No phone-number-storing, ignore-you-all-night, never-respond-to-your-text, kick-you-out-cuz-this-bitch-don't-cuddle, forget-your-face-I-swear-I- will, type of stuff. So when I cut things off with the Banker right before finals because in Old Self's mind I was gonna go home for break, get over him in 10 days, then come back here, newly iceboxed and ready to continue in my don't love them, please leave them way of life. Well, let me just say. I have dug down real deep. I mean... real deep. And I can barely find even a hint of the Bad Bitch that used to live inside. Where is she? I don't know. But instead of taking a minute to evaluate the situation, I just figured If I can feign Boss mindset, the soon it will come back.

I could maintain the boss attitude for a little while. Like, I'd be spouting off to my girls, detailing how I'm "icing this muhfugga out all week" or how I'm "on to the next one" or how "I deleted ALLLLLL his shit." you know.... standard boss talk.....But what would I ALSO do?? creep on the down low. text, calls, emails, still all "boo's & babe"..... Pretty much fail.

I can't exactly quit. I just cannot walk away with my middle finger in the air. And I (was) completely baffled.

I mean, when it comes down to it, what I really think is that something is very different with my banker-friend and I. The big thing is that I true life care about the kid. And to be honest, that's a lot harder than not giving a fuck. Unfortunately "Sorry, I actually like you" isn't really an appropriate or coherent way to break things off with someone. Idk if y'all knew that or not....

This leads me to my 2nd 2010 resolution: Try a little.

Seems a bit vague, but I know what it means. for one-- it would be cool to take a risk or two, you know, with the feelings. Try and at least find a door for which someone could enter, if I can't completely lower the guard.... right? Really, the bankers best friend called me a couple nights ago and pretty much staged a one man intervention. Very intense, but it was sort of a good thing.

I was talking to a fellow Boss, Bateman. We often commiserate in the rediculousness of how a year ago thoughts/feelings/behaviors would have never even crossed our minds. This past week we swapped advice on everything from date outfits, to how to be less aloof. The best, by far was when we both admitted to trying on our respective man-friend's last names (hyphenated, of course). I mean, whatever, no biggie in real life.... but a biggie for a Boss.

Boss Bitch mentality? As K.Beau would say "great idea in theory, bad idea in practice." I don't want to be an Icebox anymore. but I don't want to be a stupid girl either. What I do know is that maybe I'll have to evolve, and evolution takes a lot of time. And a lot of the fittest just figuring out how to survive....

baby steps, y'all.

Who will stop the rain?

When it rains in New York, it friggin just rains. Not like the nice rains at home where its like 80 thousand degrees and the sky breaks for 5 minutes and then for the rest of the day it's too humid to breathe. Here, it becomes day time, and it's all gray. And awkwardly humid, and smelly (idk...) and then it just rains.

The part that blows hardest is that you kind of can't stop. Like there is still shit to do and places to get to. Obviously this is my transition into yet another "what should I buy when I have money (on friday!!) segment:

A solid rainboot is paramount to not having a shitty day when it's raining. The rain trench and umbrella are handled, but, for me to the boots have been an outlier.

I spoke with BKE right before I left to get her thoughts on them since she'd just spent the summer as a Brooklyn wandering, downtown loving, denim cut off wearing, hipster/scenster intern for my favorite mag on earth, W. BKE said that the Hunter rainboots are pretty much gold standard, and I def like them. But then I saw these Michael Kors ones.... and I don't know what to do.

They are more or less the same price. I feel like the Hunters have more long term capabilities, better sole, etc. And like, honestly? I'm not buying a car. Not sure why it's 7am and I am acting like it's a life or death decision between a Camry and a Corolla.

Truth is, I have hung out with The Banker every day since our first date last Wednesday and I am doing all I can to not be an asshole and gush like a stupid girl. So I'm trying to find other Fun and Exciting Topics (Insert peppy excited voice!!) So that I don't reveal how un Sesh-like your formal stone cold ice queen has become....

wtf?? I leave the south for a city where you definately need to keep your balls, and I'm all running through the field of flowers like a loser... hahaha. Whatever, suffice to say, The Banker is a good one. I win.

Here are the damn boots... so much for my guise!

**side bar: Good Luck to NC-Delta with Rush this week** Someone keep me posted.

Date number 2 with the banker

The banker and I had our second date last night. It was wonderful. First E and I went to the bank to open a joint account, so he helped us do that (and I got my sister seal of approval) then we met at 6:30 and went to this great place for dinner and drinks. 2.5 hours later we walked back the 20 some odd blocks (holding hands! Haha) and then we came to my house and hung out talking until almost 4am (nothing happened. I swear!). We had a like, 9 hour date, hahaha.

So I really like him obviously and we actually made plans to catch some college football today, after he helps me locate a bookshelf.

More to come I'm sure...
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We will call him "the banker"

What is my life right now?!

oh my gossshhh.

So around 4 I get a text from the banker seeing if I am free for a quick drink. He explains that he is going to New Jersey for a football game on Thursday, and even though we have plans for Friday, he is anxious and would love to get together both today (Wednesday) and Fri.

Meanwhile, on campus the school of social work is having a cocktail thing (for whatever reason) and E had a date tonight as well with a guy she met downtown early last week--- needless to say, I was feeling a little overwhelmed and conflicted. E assures me that this is NOT the prom, she doesn't need me to see her off and give me the a-OK to go on with The banker.

I end up agreeing to meet him (but first went by my new friends Kim and Kellys apt to borrow eye liner, eye shadow and perfume) before meeting him at this bar call The Heights which between 111th and 112th and Broadway. The banker is coming straight from work so he is still in a suit and he looks adorable! We go in, he orders us drinks (margaritas, tequila shots) and dinner and we hang and talk for 3 hours (wtfffff). The convo was totally natural and I let him PDA me at the table (and ya'll know I don't do that shit). He thinks I'm so Southern and its fascinating , and all I can think is " I'm so not a southern girl." Which made me realize that southern girls would fare well in terms of meeting boys in the city. They seem to love the complexities that is the Southern Girl DNA.

He is such a perfect gentleman and so much EXACTLY what I'm looking for... like, omg. It's insane. He took me home, walked me inside of my first locked door and you know... hhaha ahhhhh!!! The night ended perfectly!

So, for the curious: hes 29. went to college in Long Island, was born and raised in the upper westside. He's Puerto Rican (can I get a yum?!) and about 6ft tall.

We still have our date set for Friday, where we're planning on dinner and a movie at the theatre down by where I stay. The cutest thing is that tonight he kept asking about my friends, family, college and hometown life, as if he could sense the important roll all of those people and places play for me. And in addition, he was so looking forward to watching ACC football and curious about March Madness and UNC basketball. Um.... look at him making future plans and being all up in my grill, trying to know my life.

It's so exciting because for the first time in a very long time I am going to let myself be open and willing to go with it, the whole having a crush and acting on it. Needless to say, I 'm totally smitten. I'll keep you posted on the banker. def.

Also, don't get all pumped about this wide open post. I'm twisted off drinks and loving the fact that I can DUI it on foot. So, just know, if I wasn't drinking, ya'll wouldn't get privy to any of this-- -especially not via a midnight posting!

hhaha the end!

What I'm Wearing 09.02.09 and update.

Cardigan: H&M

Dress: Target

Sandals: Kenneth Cole

So far Columbia is exactly what I expected and more. I love the campus, the program is absolutely amazing and my classmates are a lot of fun. The staff is so accomplished and respected in the field, and I've got no doubt that social work is exactly what I want to be doing.

In addition, I'm getting into the swing of NYC more and more each day. It's an easy city to navigate and so far I haven't had really anything negative or scary happen, haha. I just got my field placement this past week. I'll be working in the Northern Bronx with a program that will have me with my own case load of homeless or recently homeless individuals. I will help them get the mental heath, substance abuse, housing, and medical attention they need and get to handle my own case load and all of that! AH! friggin scary/exciting. I don't start til the 21st, so I've got time to prep.

Also, I have 3 classes this year, one on Wednesday and two on Thurs (field is Mon, Tues, and Fri).

And.... I have a date on Friday (whhaatttt). It's with the Banker I met last week when I opened my Chase/JPMorgan acct. It's sort of a long story about how he got my number and all of that, but I'll have to share it at another time. Needless to say, I'm very excited. Wish me luck--- y'all know I don't date!

What I'm wearing (what I wore) 08.28.09, 08.29.09 and mini-updater

I have been so excited to post my outfits! I have so much fun picking out clothes, shopping, dressing myself (and others). Even with my more or less strict cut, color, and shape preferences, I still think I try to step out of the box as much as possible. Hopefully posting my outfits will make me 1) not get stuck in the ruts I'm often in, where I will only wear the same outfit-different variation for a week straight, 2) force myself to be more creative and 3) share my fun (hopefully) NYC inspired outfit creations! Hopefully I can enlist E to take my pictures, but for now these makeshift mirror shots will have to do.

So, It rains every all the time here, but not like it rains in the south where it will dump down and then go away. Here it just dumps down. I wore the above outfit to just run so errands, open a bank account, hit up Duane Reed, etc.

Tank and Tee-- C&C

Cardigan-- H&M

Jeans--Seven for all Mankind

Flats-- Tory Burch.

It rained-but-stopped on Friday, so it was humid and cool, but like. hot. I just did errands, again. And then sat in Starbucks, people watching and reading articles off the manditory reading list for orientation ( yup. orientation reading list. way dope.)

Sweater--TwelvebyTweleve

Jeans-- Seven for All Mankind

Flats-- Tory Burch.

Tomorrow is the first day of Orientation for the School of Social Work, which is a 4 day long crash course, 1 part welcome to Columbia and 1 part-- how to be an excellent social worker. The dress code is business casual, so I am thinking slacks/tops/cardigans/flats combinations. On Thursday there is a 4 hour boose cruise riverboat tour of the city, so I wanna get a little spicy for that. Ha what an a-hole phase. Y'all know what I mean. Flashy and Fly in a business casual way.

In other clothing and life related news: I may or may not be attending a totally contrived and pre arranged "drinks" with a boy I met this week. If I decide to put on my big girl pants and not bail like a punk, I will be going on Tuesday.... but, knowing me, it's gona take a lot to get me to "drinks".... we'll see.

Hepburn vs Hilton

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Monday Morning I was, you know, in my pj's watching Hoda and KLG (why?) and this little pearl came on. Later I check my blackberry and Grace has send an email with the link to the review of the book with a excerpt. The books is called How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World and its by Jordan Christy. Girls. 1) I cannot wait to read this book, it's ordered and will meet me in New York. 2) how effin cute is Jordan Christy?! PS. she is Married. Just had a baby. and she is 25. Just wait, I'll find out if she was greek and if she's PBP, we're all freak, ha.

On another note, I found it befitting that this book and video is all up in my inbox right before the move. Like I said, I don't date. I absolutely love men, I just don't know any, I only know boys and I just don't have much tolerance for the ways boys behave. So I've just sort of bowed out and decided to bench myself starting in December 2008. This red-shirt season would have continued for the year of 2009, but I found out about Columbia in March. So now I'm pretty much rusty at the game, don't know how to even act right, because all of my training is based at PB's at NCSU's campus on a Thursdays drinking free beer. Since the book doesn't really fall into the same category as The Manual, Why Men date Bitches, or HJNTIY (the gold standard, pretty much). I am feeling more inclined to read it under the guise of sociology.... as it is technically looking at the social phenomenon of "stupid girls"....

So, Anyways. Snaps to Grace for sending the review. I'll be reading it.