My Work. My Life. Conflict of Interest?

Forgive me, Tory Burch, for I have sinned. When the weather changed I had to turn in my jeans and Nikes for (conservative) dresses and flats. Not that much cuter, but I'm not sweating like a beast any longer. The thing is... I really like my job. So much. I love it. It was my 1st year internship originally, then they hired me for the summer. I work with Homeless individuals and, even though I have an office, I spend most of the day in the field.
I have a client who I have had a lot of trouble finding lately, he has an apartment in Manhattan, but spends a lot of his time with his clique in the North East Bronx at the end of the 6 train.

My poor flats....

My co-workers leading the way before the "path" ends.

Today I came out with my 2 Favorite outreach workers, Jose and David to find him. I had a couple tips about where they were and wanted to check it out. Back in the day my client and his clique had a huge tent encampment deep in the woods, but they got cleaned out a while back. I told them that I had heard through the vine that the encampment was back, and that I'd seen a couple of them walking into the woods the day before.

I think my co-workers were a little skeptical because the Tents were a major deal back in the day. And here's the conflict of interest. Like could I be a bigger oxymoron. Here I am in a black cotton dress, Tory Burch flats, and accessories (including over sized sunglasses) walking into the woods with my two male co workers who are In jeans and boots. We pulled off of I-95 and at the light change people start honking their horn. Why? Because the cars are too busy rubber necking and have missed the light turning. Die.

We get into the woods...and I mean... There's a "path" but it's still pretty Outward Bound. The path stops but I like, I am high stepping in grass up to my waist, prob. flashing my underwear to anyone if they happened to look. I told Jose I'd seen my clients shopping cart (shopping carts are like cars to clients, and if you know your client, you know their cart) with a bag of charcoal in it. So, after I spot my clients cart and charcoal near by, I'm pretty much positive they are set back up in there again.

I mean.... its 9:30 am. Seriously.

The Tent!

More of the Encampment.

My clients cart.

And we did. The entire encampment was back! Hahaha I know nobody understands how exciting this was/probably are still confused as to how/why I do this job (especially if you know me personally...) But it was effing dope. I'm literally covered in big raised mosquito bites, and am cut from thorny vines but whatever....

Anyways, I wanted to share that because this is what I spend a lot of my time doing (working, not wandering in the woods in sundresses), and I don't write about it much, but I have had some requests to talk more about work (and by "some requests", I just mean K.Beau and Bex) So, I obliged.

thoughts?

Down for the Cause.

As I have mentioned before, my internship is with BronxWorks Homeless Outreach Team. I work with street homeless adults, to get permanent housing. I currently have 12 clients. One of which I just moved into his apartment (nice!) another with a submitted housing package, and 2 others on their way as well. It's a lot of work, but I have honestly never cared about, or believed in a social service agency as much as I do BronxWorks. The commitment to the homeless by DHS (dept. of Homeless Services) and my agency is amazing. It funny because I know me.... and sometimes I surprise myself by how much I care about my clients.

So, Tomorrow night is the annual Hope Count in New York City, and I'm going to be participating, at the Lehman College site. I'll be working with my supervisor (who I'm still trying to make out with) as a Team Leader.

What it is: from 10pm on Monday, to 4am on Tuesday morning, the volunteers are all split up into different zones throughout the prospective boroughs. They have to comb through the area, surveying for homeless people. If you find someone, of course you'd get all their information and then refer the for service. The catch is that DHS has decoy homeless people placed through the zones--- so like, if you miss a decoy, you suck at outreach and your borough starts to rack up points. You want a low number, You want to find everyone.

Afterwards, The number found is calculated and ran through some crazy math algorithm to decide exactly how many street homeless individuals are in the area. Duh, you want a low score, and you want to show a decrease in people in the street.

This is so important on so many levels.... but primarily, people should not be living in the street.
We have had a ton of placements this month alone, and really, the streets seem pretty clear. The fact that it's going to rain tomorrow night will help keep people off the street, but it's a little warm, at 37 degrees...so, we'll see. I'm pretty excited.

So, Tomorrow night I'll be doing tunnels, bridges, abandon cars, and any where else that would make decent shelter on a rainy January Night. I hope to get some pictures, which I'll totally post.


More about Hope Count here. oh, and here.
To read about how HOT did last year, check it out here.





Image via NYC.gov

Holiday Party...

Oh hey y'all. I just finished finals! I'm like, real happy. My family just got to town, got new clients at my internship....so things are exciting and busy.

On Wednesday night my agency had their office holiday potluck for all the case workers. Fun right? Well, my supervisor insisted on me bringing my parents. Here I am, that freakin intern with her parents at the office party.

Well it went real well! Haha my parents took the train to the bronx with me, and met everyone. They absolutely loved Doug and I mean, duh...I love doug so it worked out perfectly haha.

My family is still up here, and my bro is staying w/ me and E. Tonight I plan to get him into some real crazy shit with his buddy patrick. Hopin to get blacked out like a freshman... Its winter break, dammit!!

Oh, and that's what I wore to the x-mas dinner. It was sort of a big deal because usually I wear like, baggy-ish jeans, my nike air max sneakers or clarks, and a tee-shirt +zip or cardigan. Nothing cute but like, I work in a boys club with homeless people so cute stuff is like, really not appropriate.

Needless to say I was excited to get a lil dressed up.

Ok. I'm rambling to avoid the real story. So I'm at a potluck dinner and its like, the food? Its bangin. I hadn't had a legit meal in like 4 days because of finals and all the mess with the banker. I'm like, "Self, you know how sensitive you are to everything. Don't spaz in here, eating whatever the fuck you wanna"

Obviously I didn't follow my own advice. The downfall was this lasagna that my co-worker brought. It was just TOO much flavor. With each bite my stomach was screaming back "please. No more" but some how I decided to ignore it's pleas.

Then here comes Doug: "I signed up for dessert because I wanted to bring everyone my favorite cheesecake in the world from this spot over by where I stay."

Well. Hell. Someone brings me an inappropriately large slice. 3 bites in and it was a wrap.

Y'all, I don't even really eat dairy like that. Why would I eat this hunk of cheesecake concentrate?

To make matters more awkward/uncomfortable, during the "I appreciate my staff" speak Doug gave.... I escape. Where I proceed to die a low death in the bathroom. I know, huge TMI, but whatever, it's my blog and I mean--- I'm going there.

So the more I panic about how er--shitty the situation is, the more um...shitty the situation becomes.

Moral of the story: some times you gotta man up, suck it up, and rejoin the party. And friends, that's what I did. But that's my last pot luck. They will get you killed.

Outfit:
Jeans---Joe's
Cardigan-- H&M
Tee-- American Apparel
Boots-- Michael Kors

I got 99 problems

It's mid-term time.
I'm so freakin sleepy all the time.
I have papers that I keep hoping will write themselves.
My caseload just doubled at CAB.
I can't stop working on my farmville.
Or watching Dexter.
I'm ready to graduate.


and blah blah blah.

....but a bitch ain't one.

Feelings are not my Forte.

A major part of the MSW curriculum at Columbia is the completion of 2 year long externships. One that the school picks for you during the first year, and in the second year you pick your own. This year I am placed at this agency in the Bronx called Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and I am working with a program called Homeless Outreach Team (HOT). The program is extremely successful in that they have a very high rate of permanent housing placements and the percent of street homeless has decreased by 41% in the last year. OK, that's enough of my shameless plug, haha. I'm not going to pretend like I don't know what the obvious next question is. Something to the effect of "What exactly is Seshie doing working with homeless people" (??) No worries. I have asked myself that a million times. I mean, you all know me, I'm a little bourgie, let's just be honest. I feel like the Office of Field Advisement could SMELL the entitlement on me, could see my upturned nose through my application--- and honestly it is the best thing that could have happened to me, not just for my education, but for my life. This placement, and this program have become the most challenging but rewarding things I have ever done... Ok, let me back up.

What am I doing?
I am officially a social work intern and Caseworker with HOT. My supervisor is a CUSSW alum and he works with me daily, helping me to improve my skills, develop a professional identity, and overall guiding me through the 1st year placement. I have a client load of individuals who have all be defined as street homeless for a minimum of 6months. My job is to help them get housing, and, because I'm an MSW candidate, there is am emphasis on the clinical needs of my clients as well.

What makes this harder for someone like me (besides the obvious, and the brutal 7am commute) is the fact that Columbia is not effing around with us. They have challenged everything I believe, all the values I have and are slowly but surely forming a social worker. I guess they didn't get their reputation as "The First and the Finest" for nothing.

One of the things I have to do are these Process Recordings. Where I copy down a engagement I've had with a client as close to verbatim as possible, as a dialogue. Then in another column I say what my gut feelings and thoughts are, and in the 3rd column I list what skills I use in the conversation. At the end I have to state my observations, overall assessment and analysis, and my plan for follow up. I know it doesn't seem like much, but imagine then having you supervisor go over it with you and discussing it as you go. I'm lucky my supervisor is as awesome as he is, but this process is PAINFUL for me! I'm not a very outwardly emotional person, and so discussing my FEELINGS is damn near asking me to bust out some Japanese or something. I have to turn in 2 a week, and we sit for upwards of an hour talking about them. It's getting a little bit easier, but I guess I never knew this program would be such a challenge on every non-academic front known to man.

This is the most I've ever pushed myself or been pushed, and I'm amazed that I'm more or less ok with it and actually enjoying the process. Its funny because the things about me that I consider "set" and "that's just how I am" are the same things that I have got to face in order to do well here.

For example: in my Foundations of Social Work class we spend 1 hour in lecture, 1 hour being the "client" while another student is the "social worker" and the last hour the roles are reversed with a new partner. Well we had our first session last week. During the oh-too-fun verbal feedback session my partner gave me wonderful, high marks on everything...except for in 3 areas. She said "You're saying all the right things, but it doesn't exactly sound sincere. Because I know how you are (that effing phrase) I know you aren't fake... But as a client...its more difficult" Um. Kick me in the nuts a little harder please. Haha nah, I'm grateful for the feedback and I know exactly what she means. Its like the time I met one of SM's friends from Durham and he realized I worked with his cousin. I reply "ah! That's crazy. I'm so excited to meet you." And his response? "Wow. That was the least sincere thing I've ever heard." I died because, I was being serious (!!) Idk if you know it or not, but ', 'cold' and 'aloof' are NOT how a social worker wants to be described. The irony of the situation is that these traits are the same ones that cause me difficulty in relationships and in friendships (especially now ones). My new friends can't decide how to interpret my cold and blunt demeanor at first. One of the first nights me and all my new girls hung out, we were all a lil tipsy and I suppose I said something. Out of nowhere Morgan says "You have an ice box where your heart used to be" I laughed at first b/c like, she quoted Omarion!...but surprise, she was drunkenly serious. FML
In relationships, I'm magically "over it" in a matter or days, or I have no explanation or commentary for questions like "what are you feeling?" The inevitable "let's talk about _______." Leaves my mind blank. I have close to no interest in having THAT kind of talk. Ever.

So, this personality of mine, which has been just fine for the past my whole life, is now needing some serious tweaking... And I sort of have no clue what that will be like. So if I call you up, wanting to talk about feelings, or you find my tone and cadence filled with inflection and expressive tones, don't be alarmed... I'm just progressing...its all long overdue anyways, I just never thought my Master's degree would depend on this...yikes.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Five Star Status Song of the Moment.

This is probably one of the most beautiful songs I know. I left it play on loop when I'm doing my process recordings for field placement. It's got wonderful lyrics. Really every Feist song on my itunes is a five star contender, it's more than the lyrics and mellow melodies... but more that she seems to "get it" ha, who knows. my brain is fried from the 16 hour day, not a good time to analyze music, but you know what I mean!

Feist--- How My Heart Behaves

What grew
What grew
What grew and inside who
First so simple was the vow
Then the chorus sang about
Your shoulder
The mooring for me
Like water lost in the sea

The cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
When given a shake

I'm a stem now
Pushing the drought aside
Opening up
Fanning my yellow eye
On the ferry
That's making the waves wave
Illumination
This is how my heart behaves

Headin down South, to the land of the Pine...

I am going to North Carolina this weekend! I am honestly so excited. I haven't spent this much time away from Frank and Cynthia since like, 2005. My cousin is getting married in Charlotte on Saturday, so I'm flying in to RDU Friday AM, driving down to Charlotte and will back in the triangle on Sunday AM, flying out at 4:00 that afternoon. I'm extra excited because SM's grandparents live in Charlotte and RSJ is like 2 hours away, so they are going to meet me in Charlotte for a little mini catching up.

There is so much I miss about home, the weather, the food, my friends and family and other random creature comforts... but I'm still absolutely positive that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Things up here couldn't be better. School is going well, busy, but manageable. My field placement is intense but I am loving it so far. E and I get along wonderfully (!!) and have gotten into a great routine at home. I love the fact that she's a good cook, she's got me more invested in my health, and because of her I'm not eating saltines and pickles for lunch, and popcorn and beer for dinner anymore.

I absolutely love my friends up here. They are some of the best girls I could have asked for in terms of new friends in a new place. This past weekend we spent it shopping in Soho and then went up to the Bronx where Morgan lives and hung out up there.

And the Banker... ah... the banker. He spent the weekend in Philadelphia with some college friends. I'll see him today and I'm pumped because I am so insanely busy that I cancelled on him twice last week and I haven't seen him since last Tuesday...

So clearly I owe some much better posts or else this blog is gonna end up sucking pretty hard. But... I need to scoot, gotta get myself together and make it to the Bronx by 8.... I'm meeting with all 3 of my clients today!

What I'm Wearing 09.02.09 and update.

Cardigan: H&M

Dress: Target

Sandals: Kenneth Cole

So far Columbia is exactly what I expected and more. I love the campus, the program is absolutely amazing and my classmates are a lot of fun. The staff is so accomplished and respected in the field, and I've got no doubt that social work is exactly what I want to be doing.

In addition, I'm getting into the swing of NYC more and more each day. It's an easy city to navigate and so far I haven't had really anything negative or scary happen, haha. I just got my field placement this past week. I'll be working in the Northern Bronx with a program that will have me with my own case load of homeless or recently homeless individuals. I will help them get the mental heath, substance abuse, housing, and medical attention they need and get to handle my own case load and all of that! AH! friggin scary/exciting. I don't start til the 21st, so I've got time to prep.

Also, I have 3 classes this year, one on Wednesday and two on Thurs (field is Mon, Tues, and Fri).

And.... I have a date on Friday (whhaatttt). It's with the Banker I met last week when I opened my Chase/JPMorgan acct. It's sort of a long story about how he got my number and all of that, but I'll have to share it at another time. Needless to say, I'm very excited. Wish me luck--- y'all know I don't date!