My Work. My Life. Conflict of Interest?

Forgive me, Tory Burch, for I have sinned. When the weather changed I had to turn in my jeans and Nikes for (conservative) dresses and flats. Not that much cuter, but I'm not sweating like a beast any longer. The thing is... I really like my job. So much. I love it. It was my 1st year internship originally, then they hired me for the summer. I work with Homeless individuals and, even though I have an office, I spend most of the day in the field.
I have a client who I have had a lot of trouble finding lately, he has an apartment in Manhattan, but spends a lot of his time with his clique in the North East Bronx at the end of the 6 train.

My poor flats....

My co-workers leading the way before the "path" ends.

Today I came out with my 2 Favorite outreach workers, Jose and David to find him. I had a couple tips about where they were and wanted to check it out. Back in the day my client and his clique had a huge tent encampment deep in the woods, but they got cleaned out a while back. I told them that I had heard through the vine that the encampment was back, and that I'd seen a couple of them walking into the woods the day before.

I think my co-workers were a little skeptical because the Tents were a major deal back in the day. And here's the conflict of interest. Like could I be a bigger oxymoron. Here I am in a black cotton dress, Tory Burch flats, and accessories (including over sized sunglasses) walking into the woods with my two male co workers who are In jeans and boots. We pulled off of I-95 and at the light change people start honking their horn. Why? Because the cars are too busy rubber necking and have missed the light turning. Die.

We get into the woods...and I mean... There's a "path" but it's still pretty Outward Bound. The path stops but I like, I am high stepping in grass up to my waist, prob. flashing my underwear to anyone if they happened to look. I told Jose I'd seen my clients shopping cart (shopping carts are like cars to clients, and if you know your client, you know their cart) with a bag of charcoal in it. So, after I spot my clients cart and charcoal near by, I'm pretty much positive they are set back up in there again.

I mean.... its 9:30 am. Seriously.

The Tent!

More of the Encampment.

My clients cart.

And we did. The entire encampment was back! Hahaha I know nobody understands how exciting this was/probably are still confused as to how/why I do this job (especially if you know me personally...) But it was effing dope. I'm literally covered in big raised mosquito bites, and am cut from thorny vines but whatever....

Anyways, I wanted to share that because this is what I spend a lot of my time doing (working, not wandering in the woods in sundresses), and I don't write about it much, but I have had some requests to talk more about work (and by "some requests", I just mean K.Beau and Bex) So, I obliged.

thoughts?

Feelings are not my Forte.

A major part of the MSW curriculum at Columbia is the completion of 2 year long externships. One that the school picks for you during the first year, and in the second year you pick your own. This year I am placed at this agency in the Bronx called Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and I am working with a program called Homeless Outreach Team (HOT). The program is extremely successful in that they have a very high rate of permanent housing placements and the percent of street homeless has decreased by 41% in the last year. OK, that's enough of my shameless plug, haha. I'm not going to pretend like I don't know what the obvious next question is. Something to the effect of "What exactly is Seshie doing working with homeless people" (??) No worries. I have asked myself that a million times. I mean, you all know me, I'm a little bourgie, let's just be honest. I feel like the Office of Field Advisement could SMELL the entitlement on me, could see my upturned nose through my application--- and honestly it is the best thing that could have happened to me, not just for my education, but for my life. This placement, and this program have become the most challenging but rewarding things I have ever done... Ok, let me back up.

What am I doing?
I am officially a social work intern and Caseworker with HOT. My supervisor is a CUSSW alum and he works with me daily, helping me to improve my skills, develop a professional identity, and overall guiding me through the 1st year placement. I have a client load of individuals who have all be defined as street homeless for a minimum of 6months. My job is to help them get housing, and, because I'm an MSW candidate, there is am emphasis on the clinical needs of my clients as well.

What makes this harder for someone like me (besides the obvious, and the brutal 7am commute) is the fact that Columbia is not effing around with us. They have challenged everything I believe, all the values I have and are slowly but surely forming a social worker. I guess they didn't get their reputation as "The First and the Finest" for nothing.

One of the things I have to do are these Process Recordings. Where I copy down a engagement I've had with a client as close to verbatim as possible, as a dialogue. Then in another column I say what my gut feelings and thoughts are, and in the 3rd column I list what skills I use in the conversation. At the end I have to state my observations, overall assessment and analysis, and my plan for follow up. I know it doesn't seem like much, but imagine then having you supervisor go over it with you and discussing it as you go. I'm lucky my supervisor is as awesome as he is, but this process is PAINFUL for me! I'm not a very outwardly emotional person, and so discussing my FEELINGS is damn near asking me to bust out some Japanese or something. I have to turn in 2 a week, and we sit for upwards of an hour talking about them. It's getting a little bit easier, but I guess I never knew this program would be such a challenge on every non-academic front known to man.

This is the most I've ever pushed myself or been pushed, and I'm amazed that I'm more or less ok with it and actually enjoying the process. Its funny because the things about me that I consider "set" and "that's just how I am" are the same things that I have got to face in order to do well here.

For example: in my Foundations of Social Work class we spend 1 hour in lecture, 1 hour being the "client" while another student is the "social worker" and the last hour the roles are reversed with a new partner. Well we had our first session last week. During the oh-too-fun verbal feedback session my partner gave me wonderful, high marks on everything...except for in 3 areas. She said "You're saying all the right things, but it doesn't exactly sound sincere. Because I know how you are (that effing phrase) I know you aren't fake... But as a client...its more difficult" Um. Kick me in the nuts a little harder please. Haha nah, I'm grateful for the feedback and I know exactly what she means. Its like the time I met one of SM's friends from Durham and he realized I worked with his cousin. I reply "ah! That's crazy. I'm so excited to meet you." And his response? "Wow. That was the least sincere thing I've ever heard." I died because, I was being serious (!!) Idk if you know it or not, but ', 'cold' and 'aloof' are NOT how a social worker wants to be described. The irony of the situation is that these traits are the same ones that cause me difficulty in relationships and in friendships (especially now ones). My new friends can't decide how to interpret my cold and blunt demeanor at first. One of the first nights me and all my new girls hung out, we were all a lil tipsy and I suppose I said something. Out of nowhere Morgan says "You have an ice box where your heart used to be" I laughed at first b/c like, she quoted Omarion!...but surprise, she was drunkenly serious. FML
In relationships, I'm magically "over it" in a matter or days, or I have no explanation or commentary for questions like "what are you feeling?" The inevitable "let's talk about _______." Leaves my mind blank. I have close to no interest in having THAT kind of talk. Ever.

So, this personality of mine, which has been just fine for the past my whole life, is now needing some serious tweaking... And I sort of have no clue what that will be like. So if I call you up, wanting to talk about feelings, or you find my tone and cadence filled with inflection and expressive tones, don't be alarmed... I'm just progressing...its all long overdue anyways, I just never thought my Master's degree would depend on this...yikes.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Soundtracks of my life-- New York volume

Like most people with itunes and an ipod, I care about music. I'm a bog fan of the appropriate playlist for events, the right song for the car ride, the perfect track for "the moments" You can as SM or anyone who has had the pleasure of a car ride with me. I listen to most songs for 15-30 seconds and skip the the next track. I'll listen to an entire song if it fits certain criteria (which I'll have to divulge at a later date, can't dump too much neurosis in one post) Anyways, I am working on that playlist for this period of time in New York. One song on heavy rotation right now is Hot Child in the City- Pat Benatar. I'm getting super obsessed with it, and like can't stop quoting it.

1) I am hot (sweatiness wise)

2) I am hot (obviously.)

3) who doesn't like Pat B?

4) come one. It's Pat.

The lyrics break down:

Danger in the shape of somethin'

wild
Stranger dressed in black, she's a
hungry child
No one knows who she is or what
her name is
I don't know where she came from
or what her game is

duh. I always wear black. I will soon look hungry because I'm too poor to eat and I walk every where. No one can say my name and so far everyone here thinks I'm a local.

(Hot child in the city)
(Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty)
(Hot child in the city)

So young to be loose and on her
own
Young boys, they all want to take
her home
She goes downtown, the boys all
stop and stare
When she goes downtown, she walks
like she just don't care, care

No explanation needed.

(Hot child in the city)
(Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty)
Yeah
(Hot child in the city)

Come on down to my place, baby
We'll talk about love
Come on down to my place, woman
We'll make love!

This verse is curious. Not sure like--- what it's supposed to be about

Hot child in the city
(Hot child in the city)
She's kinda dangerous
(Hot child in the city)
Young child
(Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty)
Young child, runnin' wild
(Hot child in the city)

So. There you have it. This song is begging for five star status, and soon it will be rewarded.

Ha, is this real?

It takes balls to order this shirt. However, actually wearing it would make you an asshole. I hope someone does so I can judge them behind my sunglasses.

They seriously make these.... and I sort of want one.

"In the United States, it's hard to get any more ancient than the Ivy League. Known by insiders as the Ancient Eight, the Ivy League's earliest member, Harvard, was established nearly 150 years before the signing of the Declaration of Independence."

I don't even do school spirit. I own 2 tee-shirts from undergrad. One was free from New Student Orientation, the other was a gift from my high school boyfriend's mother. I boought a hoodie once. Did I mention that I don't wear tee-shirts or hoodies in public? I can't figure out why I am so intrigued by this whole line of clothing... but I have a funny feeling I'm gonna own a shirt or 5 before the first semester ends.