Still Breathing.

This is partially to blame for where I've been all semester. My new internship is incredible, but I have never worked harder. (Hard to believe after crawling in the woods last year.) The difference? I am wearing my new hat (and it's still so strange to say) of "Clinician." I have clients, and we do therapy, and I see a couple for counseling... and I work a shift at the psychiatric Emergency Room at NY Presbyterian Hospital (Cornell) every Friday afternoon. I absolutely love what I'm doing, but.... I'm tired. Because then, there is school... and like, the library.

Anyways, I just caught up on the blogs of SM, LMCW, Akili ,Mo'C, Bex & Grace..... and I tell you what, I miss you guys, and I miss my blog! So, we'll see if I can get back in the groove.

Long Lost Christmas Card.

I am finally getting room cleaned and organized after realizing that the growing clutter and chaos was making me miserable. I am shuffling through old mail and found some unopened mail. It came after I'd left for home but while my family was still in New York. This christmas card from Grace and her son was in the pile and it just made my day!

friends.

This silly girl is my lady Grace. I've been thinking a lot about this past semester, this past year really. SO much has gone on, you know the usual highs and lows of life... but today I found myself really missing Grace. I was flipping through the 400-some missed tumbles and saw this pictures. So, tomorrow I'm dropping by her job (my old job) specifically to see her (although, she will read this before I get there and the surprise will be ruined but, what the hell....) I just miss her, more than I think I even realized. I don't want to become the person who moves away and says " oooh ya, girl, i'll be home in the spring!" then I come home, camp out at my parents for 3 days, and run back to New York. I don't want to loose the friends I have here because I am positive that I couldn't make it up there without them.... So, while Grace is the star of the photo, this post is in reference to pretty much every friend I have not in New York.... I miss my friends, y'all. All day, e'ery day.


I really am very fortunate to have some amazing friends in my life. And, in 2010 one thing I want to do is make sure I let them know how loved they are.


mush, mush, mush. gah, enough!

Venus vs Mars: on Communication.

I mentioned that in my brief time away, I would randomly think of things I wanted to write on my blog, I'd start the post, then just save it as a draft. Well, all of those stories/snippets/I'm sorry for partying/life lessons, have turned in to a lil somethin' somethin' I'm going to call "Venus vs Mars." Why? a) When Jay-z's Blueprint 3 came out, banker and I heard that song, resolved it was written about is and geeked out about it for about 2 weeks. b) over the weeks, I have had numerous "oh, word??" moments with the Banker. You know what I'm talking about.... like, something happens that is good for the gander (read: NOT good for the goose) and ALL I can think is "Oh, wooorrrddd????" Like, this is so not gonna work. For like... me. At all.

As these little situations have come and gone, I have had time to reflect on them, on me, on girls in general. You know, all that "self-awareness" that I am learning at school (see how applicable it all is??) Figured I would share them because really as far as you know, all I do in New York is stand around taking pictures of myself in clothes/whine about being busy/listen to songs with awkward love undertones. Not (completely) true. I just hit my 100th post the other day, and figure anyone who still reads should be privy to a little more inside information. Lets see how many of you are left when I get to the 200th post.... so, here goes:

In the inaugural post of this nature, I'll hit you with the most recent.

Venus vs Mars--- Communication.


Allow me to set up the scene:

[End of September]

Me: Banker, my schedule in November is totally erratic. I'm going home the first weekend for a wedding, my mom's gonna come up for like a week, You know, I'll leave for Thanksgiving....
Banker: How do you fill up your whole November when it's September?
Me: I don't know... but we're like, never gonna see each other.
Banker: It will be fine, I usually go on Vacation in November, this year I'm thinking Barbados, maybe Cabo.
Me: What.
Banker: I'm not going to forget about you because I'm going on vacation.

Whats wrong here?? In theory, nothing at all. In fact, I'll give the boy snaps for picking up on the mini freak out I had when he mentioned "Cabo" (in my defense, I think it was a reflex! Seriously, though...who the eff is like, "hey, boy-I-wanna-date, please, run as fast as you can to Sodom and Gamorrah-- no worries here." Please.) In the conversation above, indeed: Whats Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander.

Lets come back to this little scenario: [last week]
sidebar: This is about day 12 of mess. Schedules are all over the place, he's doing ~60hrs a week, I'm waking at 5:00am and going to bed at 1:00am. It's an all around sucky crap-tastic time.

Me: Banker, I'm gonna be up for another couple of hours, you wanna call me here now in a few so I can take a break. (a text, obviously)
Banker: Can we talk tomorrow?? I'm half way to being asleep..... I'm sorry, Goodnight babe.

[here is the 10 minute window of angry silence that translates as "no text back"]

Banker: ?? hello?
Me: well, you know I'm going home on Thursday, and when I get back my mom is here for the week. I have no clue when we're gonna hang out, what, in December? [this is the blog-better version of my text back. the REAL one was full brat mode. but, for self-preservation, I've edited it. At least I admitted it though....]
Banker: I'm going to Barbados next week.

And: I promptly call SM, which is crazy because I don't like talking on the phone. Mid-SOS phone call the Banker Beeps in.

We talked, we mended. All is well. But let me break it down:

*Boys and Girls are different. Very different. Not the same at all. And sometimes, no matter how wonderful everything else is, the fundamentals can get a little messy. Take communication: Banker figured I remembered he took vacation in November. Yea, I remember him saying it, but I had no clue in real life. Me, I wanna know things like "Hey, I'm thinking of going on holiday, ________ week" or "I just got tickets for vacation!" Little update are nice. Being in the loop is GOOD FOR THE GOOSE. If the Goose is happy, the Gander is happy! Isn't this a basic concept?


The only way this is even remotely tolerable, aside from my ride-or-die girls, is the Banker himself. I am fortunate to have a nice boy like the banker. The little (and not so little) hiccups are made that much easier because he isn't a jackass. In fact, most of the time when these Venus vs. Mars differences occur, I am ready to peace out. I'm a quitter sometimes, I'll confess. My friends (who are all "team Banker" as they so readily remind me) are quick to give me some perspective: Good guys are few and far between. Banker is no angel-- but he always tries. I means, lets be honest, I'm not Sandra Dee. I'm more of a Rizzo. And that can be a lot of fun, until it's not fun anymore more, I'm sure. Basically, the only way to fight is to fight fair, and, a lot of the time, all a girl needs to here is "I'm sorry." It seriously wins 1/2 the battle. So, take that little pearl (little brother of mine, I know you're reading...)

I share this story specifically because I know how to do a lot of things, and the things I can't do, I can fake it til I make it. Except for dating. I don't do it. It's like, pointless and annoying and I can't stay still long enough to bother with it all. So I've just played the game my own way for the past 4 years or so. I'm Boss Bitch at being single, complete 5th grader at dating. I remember before I moved, good ole Grace told me that as soon as I met a guy that was worth it I'd give in a little. And, as my friend Kells would say "You're little ice box is more of a slushie now." I think about one of the final scenes in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and how his heart great 3x bigger after hearing the people of Who-ville sing. Not comparing myself to the Grinch, obviously I'm not out dicking people over, left and right.... I guess I wanna find the happy medium between Boss Bitch and Stupid Girls, and I suppose now is a good time to figure it out.

Miss you too, G.

I was checking my all-but-abandoned Tumblr today and came across this. As confusing as everything in life can get, one of the constants I can rely on are my good friends. I'm so ready to go home and see everyone.... I can't wait!

Hepburn vs Hilton

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Monday Morning I was, you know, in my pj's watching Hoda and KLG (why?) and this little pearl came on. Later I check my blackberry and Grace has send an email with the link to the review of the book with a excerpt. The books is called How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World and its by Jordan Christy. Girls. 1) I cannot wait to read this book, it's ordered and will meet me in New York. 2) how effin cute is Jordan Christy?! PS. she is Married. Just had a baby. and she is 25. Just wait, I'll find out if she was greek and if she's PBP, we're all freak, ha.

On another note, I found it befitting that this book and video is all up in my inbox right before the move. Like I said, I don't date. I absolutely love men, I just don't know any, I only know boys and I just don't have much tolerance for the ways boys behave. So I've just sort of bowed out and decided to bench myself starting in December 2008. This red-shirt season would have continued for the year of 2009, but I found out about Columbia in March. So now I'm pretty much rusty at the game, don't know how to even act right, because all of my training is based at PB's at NCSU's campus on a Thursdays drinking free beer. Since the book doesn't really fall into the same category as The Manual, Why Men date Bitches, or HJNTIY (the gold standard, pretty much). I am feeling more inclined to read it under the guise of sociology.... as it is technically looking at the social phenomenon of "stupid girls"....

So, Anyways. Snaps to Grace for sending the review. I'll be reading it.

Sorry for Partying shirt

Good ole' Grace. She linked me to this shirt. However... Ya'll know I was digging for the exact one. And I found it! They are made by some emo scene-queen named Jac Vanek. I think she is best known for dating Ryan Ross (ex guitarist for Panic at the Disco) Regardless, I am for sure buying that shirt. here is the link to her online store. Her bracelets (see above) are quite popular among The Scene, but I think you had to be born in 1992 or later to wear them... Anyways. look out for me and my shirt while I'm running around New York being sorry about partying.

Moving Day.

Well, It's 7:45am and I am moving TODAY. Scary. I have butterflies in my stomach mainly because this is my first big move. My mom flew up to DC yesterday, my buddy Karl and I are picking up the Uhaul at 9:30am, loading it up and driving to DC. This afternoon our professional movers are loading up, and we leave for NYC at 9am, Monday morning. I'm over the phrase "it's bittersweet, really" What does that mean? Like, bittersweet chocolate is effing nasty so I'm gonna go ahead and boycott that little saying. The truth? It is what it is. I am very sad when I think about not living here in Durham anymore, but I am thrilled about New York. Obviously I'm not going to change my mind and not go to grad school, so I think this is one of those situations where you've got to suck it up, be alright with feeling a little sad, and roll with it.

In other news: While our power will be turned on when we get there, TWC doesn't come until Wednesday, so unless some selfless person has their wireless connection unlocked, I'll be Internet-less (gasp!) for a couple days. However, knowing how my family, and especially because this moving trip is just the girls, I'm sure there Will be plenty of debacles to share.

And on a slightly more sentimental note: I really have had the best times living in Durham. I say that specifically because I said goodbye to Raleigh after graduation, and for this last year, I feel like I really adopted south-western Bull City as home. Last night before Sarah and I left for Grace's birthday party in Raleigh it hit me; "this is the last time we will get ready and ride out from my house." And while I'm not huge on tears, in theory, I could have shed a couple-- and I have a funny feeling that I just might today when Karl and I pull off.