Five Star Status---Rihanna "I'm Back"

It don't matter what I do
Always end up here with you
Baby, I'm back, back, back
Baby, I'm back, back, back
If I love something I can't pretend
I find myself in you again
I'm back, back, back, back
Baby, I'm back
Back with you again

It's Time to Talk About the Banker.

I'm going to try to divulge a little more here now in 2010. I get e-mails from yall asking questions about things I've posted and I wonder to myself, "why didn't I just explain that shit in the post"

Because of the aforementioned trend, I figured it's time to address the whole deal with the Banker. I can't really give a play by play because I'd be exhausted and you'd be annoyed... but the condensed version:

The banker is a great guy, with a couple carry-on sized bags of luggage. Me? I'm a dope chick.... I'm carrying a couple trunks. Oh well, that's life blah blah. Add in a sprinkle of bad timing, a dash of self-sabatoge, a pinch of too-many-outside-opinions, all mixed up in a Cool Hand Luke- sized "failure to communicate" and you pretty much can paint the picture.

All of that happened in 2009, and you know, eff that year, it's 2010 bitches! So I figure instead of going backwards, why not start with a little disclosure on the current state of affairs:

A lesson from boss bitch 101-- keep it movin.
If it's done it's done, when you're resolved, you're resolved. My old self (pre- New York) was cold-blooded in how I played the game.... I mean like, No phone-number-storing, ignore-you-all-night, never-respond-to-your-text, kick-you-out-cuz-this-bitch-don't-cuddle, forget-your-face-I-swear-I- will, type of stuff. So when I cut things off with the Banker right before finals because in Old Self's mind I was gonna go home for break, get over him in 10 days, then come back here, newly iceboxed and ready to continue in my don't love them, please leave them way of life. Well, let me just say. I have dug down real deep. I mean... real deep. And I can barely find even a hint of the Bad Bitch that used to live inside. Where is she? I don't know. But instead of taking a minute to evaluate the situation, I just figured If I can feign Boss mindset, the soon it will come back.

I could maintain the boss attitude for a little while. Like, I'd be spouting off to my girls, detailing how I'm "icing this muhfugga out all week" or how I'm "on to the next one" or how "I deleted ALLLLLL his shit." you know.... standard boss talk.....But what would I ALSO do?? creep on the down low. text, calls, emails, still all "boo's & babe"..... Pretty much fail.

I can't exactly quit. I just cannot walk away with my middle finger in the air. And I (was) completely baffled.

I mean, when it comes down to it, what I really think is that something is very different with my banker-friend and I. The big thing is that I true life care about the kid. And to be honest, that's a lot harder than not giving a fuck. Unfortunately "Sorry, I actually like you" isn't really an appropriate or coherent way to break things off with someone. Idk if y'all knew that or not....

This leads me to my 2nd 2010 resolution: Try a little.

Seems a bit vague, but I know what it means. for one-- it would be cool to take a risk or two, you know, with the feelings. Try and at least find a door for which someone could enter, if I can't completely lower the guard.... right? Really, the bankers best friend called me a couple nights ago and pretty much staged a one man intervention. Very intense, but it was sort of a good thing.

I was talking to a fellow Boss, Bateman. We often commiserate in the rediculousness of how a year ago thoughts/feelings/behaviors would have never even crossed our minds. This past week we swapped advice on everything from date outfits, to how to be less aloof. The best, by far was when we both admitted to trying on our respective man-friend's last names (hyphenated, of course). I mean, whatever, no biggie in real life.... but a biggie for a Boss.

Boss Bitch mentality? As K.Beau would say "great idea in theory, bad idea in practice." I don't want to be an Icebox anymore. but I don't want to be a stupid girl either. What I do know is that maybe I'll have to evolve, and evolution takes a lot of time. And a lot of the fittest just figuring out how to survive....

baby steps, y'all.

Photographs

I think my brother, Kenneth (not his name, just a deep rooted joke, but I have probably called him by his government like 5 times in the last 5 years.) is the best thing pretty much on earth, so everything he does is perfect in my eyes (awww). He got a nice camera a year ago for Christmas and does a great job documenting all of my family's National Lampoon's-esque trips and gatherings. Those are a few he took during my families pre-christmas visit to New York.

Also this picture of my dad is divine. So awkward, so typical Frank, I love it.

cookie monster and elmo in the back. great. hahahahaha


(credit: F.K.H)

Sans Microwave.

I've had a few people inquire about how I manage without using a Microwave. I manage just fine! Haha.

No, for real. I stopped using a microwave over a year ago because at thanksgiving 08. My brother told some story about an experiment where these rats were injected with water or blood or something that had been in the microwave---and then the rats promptly died. Or some scary shit like that. But then you know, my family was discussing how weird it is that like, for example: you re-heat pizza in the microwave and it tastes crazy and the bread is all gummy... That is not normal!

So, I traded the microwave for a saucepan and the stove. (Or the oven and a pyrex dish.)

I find that it doesn't take that long, and the food is delicious. Another plus? My microwave is the perfect storage for dish rags and towels. No, seriously. Its strictly storage unless we have a microwave using guest over.

So, what you do,
- place your food in the pan and put the heat on medium or low. (If you've got something like pasta or rice add a little bit of water. Like a tiny splash).
-Cover with a lid so it gets all steamy and delicious.
-check it in like 5 min. Maybe a little stirring or shifting if you feel so inclined/its burning or sticking (if it is burning or sticking, turn the heat down. Duh)
-enjoy.

Resolution #1

I really love to eat, and overall enjoy food. However, cooking is sometimes a challenge. I have always enjoyed it, and am not really bad at it, but I think I have a complex in the kitchen.

I'm left-handed. For right-handed people, you just don't understand the trials we (I) have been through with this left hand! Never mind the whole issue of my hand writing in 1st grade, and how my teachers were treating me like I was one slanted writing assignment away from being classified as special needs. My kitchen trauma goes back to summers at my Grandma's house.

Like most grandma's, mine is the quintessential amazing cook. So, of course I always wanted to help out, learn to make biscuits as good as hers, you know? I think the fact that what she showed me (in terms of cutting, mixing, egg cracking) was always backwards when she observed me was a little stressful for her. My allowed jobs were dwindled down to mixing. Even my shaky hands pouring opposite of her made her nervous! So, thus grew my whole "meh, I can't really cook" attitude.

When I was home over holiday I did a good amount of cooking and with much positive praise, to my surprise! So I decided to make that a resolution: Cook more.

The obvious benefits:
-healthier
-cheaper
-skill building

The added challenge/fun of it is that my sister is a Vegan---who eats fish. I'm a Vegan--- who eats fish (and any other meat when I'm too hungry to figure out the meatless option). She's a vegan for the health benefits, I'm. A 'fegan' (fake vegan) for the fact that a) my house hold is. b) I have the most insanely fickle stomach on earth and c) Skinny Bitch (read it, you'll see.)

All that means is that I get to try some exciting things, and have fun. This week I made (as pictured)

-salmon patties, rice w/goya black beans, and okra

-vegan tacos of corn tortillas w/ vegan cheese, spring greens, cherry tomatoes.

I'll try to post as I go. Hopefully I'll stick to this resolution!

Re-visiting the Resolutions of 2009.

Obviously it's 2010. Super crazy how it's a new year and a new decade...

I pulled out my old journal (can't really say diary because I'm not 11) and I flipped through to look at my last resolutions from the end of 2008 to 2009.

an excerpt, if you will:

" I broke up with [douche bag boyfriend] last Monday. Meh. best thing I could I have ever done. I am especially justified and relinquishing any guilty feelings because of how he behaved at the Tire Bowl. Fucking dick head. Now he's another name on the "never-going-to-speak-to-ever-again" list. cest la vie.
So now I've figured out my focus for 2009. a) I am not dating anyone. I'm not doing anything with any body. I don't even want to 'talk' to anyone. I really don't have anything to gain from any of the boys I know, and I have no desire to meet any other loser who lives in a 30 mile radius. so. I'll be single, which I love so that's that. b) I just need to buckle down and figure out my Grad School apps. Like, I need to finish them. I already decided not to apply to NYU or Columbia, I freaking don't want to go to New York and, lets be honest, I don't wanna waste the money applying to an Ivy. ECU is where I really wanna go, so I need to stop bullshitting and do it. Also, I need to get my fitness together. I'm too young to get all sloppy. So. you know, that's 3. 1) no more boys (for no more drama) 2) work towards my life plan so I won't end up a loser 3) don't be fat."

This is hilarious to me. Reading back over this stuff is a trip because of how different things are now. Reviewing the resolves of 2009, I feel like I hit all those goals. I stayed out of relationships that caused me irritation and stress (save for a couple of unavoidable hiccups....). I DID finish my graduate applications, and ended up exactly where I thought I didn't want to be. The irony is that this is the absolute best place in the world for me. ever. As for the fitness. well, I'm about 20 lbs lighter than I was a year ago, so that's cool.... but I'd definitely will keep fitness on my list of 2010 resolutions, which I'll post as well.

New Years Eve-- in 5 shots.

1) Don't kill me, SM.... just keepin it real. no make up! hair rollers!

2) standard pose you *have* to make. Kidding. No, seriously.
3) we we're ready to leave. And semi-on time....
4) Not really on full party mode yet.
5) No more than 10 minutes later.





fill in the blanks.
Happy 2010.